The Monolith Cocktail Serialises Andrew C. Kidd’s Tennyson Imbued sci-fi Saga.

Dabbling over the last decade with showcasing exciting, sometimes improbable, intriguing work from new and aspiring writers, the Monolith Cocktail has played host to serialisations of stories by Rick Clarke (of Vukovar and The Tearless Life infamy) and Ayfer Simms (the Franco-Istanbul writer, and for a few years, an integral member of the MC team offering various reviews and conducting interviews).

Furnishing the site since Covid with review pieces and the odd feature, Glaswegian-based writer Andrew C. Kidd now adds his name to this list. Andrew shares his grand interstellar saga, Tennyson In Space, with the MC readers through an epic serialisation. Over the last five months or so we’ve published the Prologue, Part One and Part Two of The Violin, all four parts of the Hic Sunt Leones Et Corvi suite, the Pink Nepenthe and the first half of Appl. E. We now continue with the final chapters of the latter.

Part 3

With the conference having adjourned some hours ago, Alard stood pensively at the threshold of the generous living accommodation provided by the Domini. The dark walls seemed to be closing in on him. Each pipe had taken an apparently different route into and out of the stonework. Light-headedness sought to topple him. He squatted down in an attempt to shake off this strange sensation.

‘I fear your decision will lead to a trade disagreement… or worse’, □ motioned. ‘You haven’t the ethical approval or proprietary rights. I mean, for goodness sake, try to consider this objectively!’

Her monitor oscillated.

‘You have little regard for the inevitable consequences’, □ continued. ‘Hostility at this sensitive juncture is inconceivable.’

‘But you have just conceived it, have you not?’ Alard smirked. ‘In any case’, he quickly followed, ‘it was your algorithmic predictions that led us here. And it was your decision to take flight and open the first–’

‘I believe that we agreed never to disclose how we got here.’

□ was right. He had to stop these momentary lapses.

An apple, an apple, an apple! The Elusimicrobia had been yielded from an apple.

‘I must ask you to re-consider your choice. My predictive modelling of your decision has only one outcome: strife’, □ persisted.

Pacing up and down the room, Alard slapped his hands together, clasping them in a form of contorted prayer.

‘I have made my decision and that decision is final.’

‘If that is your final decision, our collaboration must end here’, □ replied.

How predictable, he thought to himself. Algorithmic sentience: the weighty burden of programmers!

‘Once you walk through those doors. We shall no longer know each other.’

‘Be quiet!’, Alard yelled. ‘Of course we will know each other.’ He mocked her nasal vocal output. ‘We created Appl. E. and we shall…’

Alard stopped talking.

The room imbued a strange silence. □’s screen was stock still.

*                      *                      *

He was holding his breath.

‘Right’, exhaling loudly, ‘apply the label now.’

Dr. El-hen looked at Alard, smiling warmly. The binding of the fluorophoric antibody to the antigenic epitope glowed neon green on their shared screen. The viridescent methylated cytosine groups were modifying histones. Mastery of the stem cell cycle was the prize for those who could determine all the histone states. It was proving to be an arduous journey. The destination was differentiation.

Alard and El-hen studied the screen. A symphony of cells and enzymes was playing. For now, it was harmonic. They would both have to wait for the triumphant climax.

With the immunolabelling complete, Alard and El-hen moved their shared attention to the cells as they aligned themselves in neat rows. Next, they would measure the density of the labels and match these to the cell cycle.

Human studies next, Alard had promised Professeur Meuse.

Their present research was proof-of-principle of their latest bioengineering success: the addition of methyl groups to the bases in the DNA sequence of the epidermal layer.

Lucidum: clarity. An accidental but poetic choice of the duo. Once identified, the process would be replicated on a micro-engineering level. Soon they would be able to print these signatures onto microfluidic chips.

‘I am so glad that you can join us tomorrow’, Dr. El-hen said.

Alard smiled as he removed the extrusion-printed specimen, placing the synthetic organ carefully in the biobath, An entire epidermal layer, clearer than he had ever imagined, was the result.

He placed it gently down on the counter to commence the stabilisation process. Appl. E. was added. Alard’s thoughts moved onto the next step: replication of cardiac tissue.

*                      *                      *

Professeur Meuse relaxed back into his chair in a demonstration of false certitude. Alard knew him to be a difficult man. They had both engaged in many arguments since the start of their collaborative venture.

‘But we are in the business of regenerating tissue, not harvesting it from people’, Alard affirmed.

He looked over at the Professeur. Lines creased his face. Fluorescent lighting had bleached his skin.

Meuse was old enough to have crossed the great celestial bridge that separated the old universe from the new. He had witnessed the Never War. Inter-planetary over-population. Decimation of cultural relativism through the autarchic hand of the Domini and his associates. All he had ever known was demographic turbulence. Perhaps years of anthropological study had worn him down? Could this explain his jaundiced opinion that farming human tissue was the solution to increasing the yield of primary cells?

It was hard to believe that the consummation of years of academic excellence had led this eminent figure to such a conclusion. Alard looked away from the Professeur who continued to stare out of the porthole.

The field of tissue regeneration had attracted all manner of interested parties. From Alard’s experience, those involved in this research could be broadly separated into two groups. The first sought to harness the technology for the sake of science. This was an advancement beyond any measure of what had been possible before.

There were also those who envisioned it as a commercial enterprise: a method of preservation, paid for by those had the financial firepower to fund their new hearts and lungs.

He could not place Meuse in either group. Beneath his clean-shaven façade, he knew that a darker character lurked. His entry into the regenerative sciences had occurred later in life. Why the move from population dynamics to tissue scaffolds? Alard considered that as the years advanced, perhaps the Professeur simply wished to live on.

‘How beautiful…’ El-Hen moved closer to the porthole. She had slackened her safety harness. Her face was being underlit in the soft light.

Outside the vessel, a water ice wreath levitated around the great head of Saturn. The soft gold imparted a subtle majesty. They had left the glacial Eris to visit one of their sponsors on base in a Saturnian moon cluster. A welcome party awaited their arrival.

Alard smiled absently. His thoughts remained with Meuse and his imagined flesh farms. The Professeur’s arguments had become more impassioned. He knew that with the right backing, he would seek to make his dangerous dream a dreadful reality.

As the vessel made its final approach, Alard turned to observe El-hen who continued to marvel at the glinting rings. Her hand was locked by Meuse. The tips of his fingers were strained white.

Alard’s desire for the docteur had not abated. It was evident from the time they had spent together that she felt similarly. A Bunsen flame burned deep inside them. It could only be a matter of time before its strength would cause the laboratories of Clan Dœmae to catch fire.

*                      *                      *

The issue is tissue.

Meuse’s mantra echoed silently in the mind of Alard.

Deep in the accommodation provided by their hosts on the Saturnian base, he replayed the last experiment in his somnolence.

The failure of the myocytic scaffold had not come as a surprise. New vessels had quickly outgrown the extracellular matrix which had quickly disintegrated before their eyes. Two-photon microscopy had yielded all the green nuclei they wished to see. Red vessels had started to proliferate on the dark background. Their thin lines were reassuring at first. Eventually, an all-consuming rubor reflected on their faces.

Rouge! Rouge! Rouge! Disintegrating muscle. We have become purveyors of necrosed tissue. Merchants of cellular death!

Please, Alard… El-hen leant forward on a polished plastic chair …I will speak to Ian–

A purposeless exercise. He is as desperate as we are. Tell him we have already replicated hundreds, probably thousands, of cell lines by now. Why the need for more?

Aes-the-tics. The scornful intermediary of Pallas sounded somewhere else in his subconscious. Her word bled out red onto the slide set.

Part 4

Meuse poured himself another drink. A gentle click noise sounded as the hatch of the door slid back into its closed position. El-hen had elected to retire to her quarters for the night. The Professeur and Alard were left alone.

‘I must say, you spoke with such authority that you almost convinced me that your theory is plausible’, Meuse opined with his back turned to Alard. The cling of the crystal glass connecting with the decanter rung passingly.

‘Life and death must co-join’, Alard pressed.

The Professeur returned to his seat and stared at Alard. His red-hair glowed in the soft light.

‘Lifeforms die and their cells die’, Meuse replied. ‘And once dead, there is no transference from the living to the extinguished state.’

He took a sip from his glass. Two slow shakes of his head followed in a subtle show of disdain.

‘I disagree wholeheartedly’, Alard retorted. ‘Take a body. Once death has consumed it, the cells do not die, but rather, serve to fertilise a world from which that body was bequeathed to. The body serves to–’

Alard paused. He had noticed Meuse holding his glass against the ceiling light to illuminate its amber contents. The Professeur eventually returned to Alard. A quick flick of his long hand beckoned him continue.

‘What I am proposing–’ Alard stretched his syllables irritably ‘–is that the ‘essence’ of the body, its being, élan vital, or however you wish to describe it, transitions. The body passes on what it once knew.’

‘So why I am unable to speak Inuinnaqtun or Natsilingmiutut? After all, I am a descendant of those who once communicated in these languages.’

A subtle shudder interrupted their conversation. The interstellar vessel continued on its return journey to Eris. Outside, the same black scene persisted, interrupted only by stars and the faint diagonal line of dust that ringed around a distant exoplanet.

‘If I may’, Meuse said. ‘Let us reshape our conversation, interesting as it has been, to talk shop for moment.’

‘Of course.’ Alard nodded. His vague form continued to flare out in holographic form.

‘It has come to my attention that your recent endeavours have been somewhat–’ Meuse considered his phrasing carefully ‘–less convincing.’

‘Less convincing?’, Alard echoed.

Meuse assented and opened a file onto the visual display. The read-outs of the failed myocytic scaffolding were quickly scanned by the duo.

‘Professeur’, Alard interjected. ‘I must insist that conversations of this nature involve Dr. El-hen. After all, she is one of the principal researchers involved in this work.’

‘Are you seeking to defer responsibility, Docteur Alard?’

‘Of course not. However, it is her intellectual property as much as mine. She should be given the opportunity to discuss these findings.’

‘Firstly, the IP is Dœmaen. Secondly, abject failure is not something to be “discussed”, Docteur.’

Meuse stared intently at Alard’s hologram. He continued:

‘What I wish to understand is how you plan to achieve success.’

‘You know as well as I do that this is science–’ Alard mirrored Meuse’s formality ‘–and that science is an iterative process. Accomplishments are met with disappointments, in equal measure.’

Meuse returned to the counter to recharge his glass. Alard considered the change in his superior’s tone. He was under no illusion that Meuse was a visionary. After all, it had been his decision with who to share his discovery with at the conference on Manitoud. He was also wary of the monopolism of his superior’s vision.

Rebus omnibus: Meuse’s motto.

Success above all else.

The bulbous base of the thick-cut glass orb covered the lower half of the Professeur’s face. Alard observed the unblinking eyes of Meuse – they had remained fixed upon him. He was being examined. The black pupils of the Professeur contracted latently. His irises were alive, drawing him in like a whirlpool. Why the scrutiny?

Alard sensed Meuse had a deeper awareness of something. An unpleasant sensation washed over him. Was it choler? Or jealousy? Shared failures had undoubtedly strengthened the bond between Alard and El-hen. He had been very careful in concealing his feelings towards her. Yet Alard was mindful that matters of the heart resided in strange metaphysical spaces. He was under no illusion that Meuse was a man of intuition.

Alors… tell me, Docteur Alard… how are we are going to convince our Patrons at Clan Dœmae that we will reach our goal?’, he pursued plainly.

‘We are already working at full capacity and at the limits of our ethical agreements–’

‘Why limit yourself when you know what can be achieved?’ The Professeur was rhetorical in his reply. He smiled drunkenly at Alard who shimmered silently. His oculi continued to spiral; the vision being imparted was a fanatical one.

‘Courage’, Meuse said before pausing.

‘Courage?’, Alard inflected.

‘Yes, courage!’, he hammered in reply, quickly sipping more of the amber liquid. The glass was placed down heavily on the table.

‘The word entered my mind as we are discussing your work on myocyte regeneration. Its etymology is fitting. Our ancestors would have pronounced it ‘corage’. Cor: after the heart.’

Meuse leant back in his chair. He toyed with the lip of his glass.

‘You see, dear Docteur. Only those who act courageously can affect true change. Imagine the possibility of endless regeneration. A new heart when atherosclerosis blocks the old one from beating. Neuronal cells reappearing in a disappearing brain. Organ failures consigned to the annals of antiquity.’

‘I am well aware of our intended destination, Professeur’, Alard broke in. ‘I also have my own imaginations of such a future.’

‘Then – don’t hold back! Do share these visions!’, Meuse demanded excitedly.

‘Okay, I have often wondered what will become of us after we have been replaced, or at least, once parts of us have been replaced. Who will be then? And what next, after our replaced organs fail. More implanted parts destined to malfunction.’

Alard saw that Meuse was transfixed upon his hologram.

‘Until now, all we have ever known is life as a two-dimensional line. One that has a beginning and an end. If we succeed in our research, we will not only lengthen that line but change how it is sewn.’

Alard hesitated. He had never spoken so openly about his sentiments on never-death.

‘What do you mean by “how it is sewn”?’, Meuse enquired.

‘We are more than carbonised shells’, Alard explained. ‘Death represents a severed line in our lives, but that line is never cleanly cut. It is left frayed, open to other thready remnants. Those tattered ends represent all the different physical and metaphysical aspects of our lives: hydrogen; oxygen; knowledge; id; ego; superego… our separate identities! It is from these remaining threads that the future material of our progeny are sewn.’

Alard paused for a moment.

‘Fibres are twisted into single strands that become woven into an embroidered patchwork’, he continued. ‘One that becomes more intricate with each passing generation. If we create the possibility of an endless cycle of forever-self, the fabric will never change. It is this fabric that binds us. Without it, we will simply stagnate.’

Meuse smiled thinly at Alard’s flickering holograph. The amber liquid had made him heady.

‘Is this a convoluted way to tell me that you are having reservations about our work?’, Meuse retorted glibly. ‘As I have already explained to you, I only seek to associate with those who have courage.’

Alard allowed the Professeur to continue unobstructed.

‘Let us move away from this allegorical posturing’, Meuse continued tersely. ‘Our Maîtres at the Clan have agreed in principle to my proposal. I believe El-hen may have mentioned this to you?’

Pupillary constriction. Choler, Alard affirmed. The Professeur was closing in on him. Alard shook his head.

‘Well, we need to press on with the next phase in cardiac muscle development.’ Meuse paused as he looked into the empty glass. His eyes then immediately met with Alard’s.

‘Organ harvesting–’

‘–is out of the question!’, Alard implanted angrily.

A loud thud sounded as the glass was thrown down onto the floor. The Professeur staggered as he stood up to walk over to the porthole. He stretched his back by winging out his arms. A sigh spread out into the room as Meuse brought his arms down.

‘If you wish to end our collaborative venture–’

 ‘End our…’, Alard exclaimed breathlessly.

‘If we cannot agree–’

‘Listen to me–’ Alard made a swift recovery, blocking Meuse ‘–you have the gall to lecture me on courage, yet it was I who took the bold step to isolate the Elusimicrobia at a time when the Eridians shirked their responsibilities. I approached the Domini who connected you to me. The rest lost out. You profited. But I must remind you that Appl. E. is my discovery. Where would be today had I not ventured out into the…’

‘Silence!’, Meuse bellowed angrily. ‘I must remind you that under the terms of our agreement on Manitoud, an agreement sanctioned by the Domini, you are not permitted to disclose the origins of your discovery on that Eridian hellhole!’

‘The truth alarms you’, Alard replied firmly.

‘Truths in this situation are unnecessary but they are not inconsequential’, the Professeur retorted.

Meuse sat down again after feeling light-headed. He was aware that drink was leading the conversation astray. Alard continued to talk but words evaporated around him. Meuse stood up again irritably. He walked over the porthole.

A showcase for the abyss! The Professeur observed the irregular arrangements of the stars that hung a thousand lifetimes away. His introspections progressed on an imagined line that connected these glittering dots. Thoughts of the Clan and the Domini interrupted its needling course so that it became knotted. Their requests had always been straightforward. Vita persavero. But what if his endeavours resulted in negative yields? Such an enterprise would no longer be theirs but his and his alone. He could not afford to fail.

Beads out sweat trickled at his hairline, reflecting indistinctly in the porthole. Beyond this, the interconnecting line had now balled itself into a malignant skein.

Meuse turned away to observe the interior of this room on the interstellar vessel. Here was reality. Anything else beyond this was simply plasma bound by an unknowable gravity. He thought positively, of Clan Dœmae and their recent procurement of Sobere on Eris, of the inevitable expansion, of life imperishable. His future could be a glorious one. The conquest to end all conquests.

He smiled reflexively at Alard the hologram, his thoughts simmering.

‘The agreed truth is that you yielded those cultures from an apple’, the Professeur affirmed bitterly.

‘An apple?’, Alard inflected brazenly. He started to laugh.

‘An apple’, Meuse re-echoed. He walked back over to the amber bottle.

El-hen, having been stirred by the steady crescendo of voices in the adjoining room, woke to listen to the warring researchers. She heard little other than the closing tone of the holographic software. Meuse had ended the transmission. The faint image of Alard faded from view. She listened to Meuse as he fumbled with the decanter.

*                      *                      *

After exiting the viewing room, Alard walked swiftly down the corridor to his quarters. His mind moved apace. He thought incoherently. His head had been made woolly by the argument with Meuse. The claustrophobia of the Saturnian moon module heightened his dissolution.

His assigned lodgings amounted to little more than a field camp. The straps on his somnolence stand were slack. When the modular engines cut to cease the simulated gravity in their overnight reset, he would be jostled uncomfortably in his sleep. He had already donned a survival suit as he doubted the ability of the oxygenators and heaters to sustain him.

Before his departure with El-hen, Meuse had explained to Alard that their sponsors were insistent that he was to be transferred to this rock. Apparently, this particular moon had garnered interest from planetary oceanographers.

Where there is ice, there is life.

Earlier, when Alard trundled over from the inter-lunar landing site, he had concluded that the existence of novel microbiota in this barren landscape was an impossibility. It was an absurd place. There was little evidence of any recent excavation. The skeleton crew that accompanied him were all automated. They simply compounded its lifelessness.

In his dormitory, Alard finally found some placidity in music. The positivity, the forward energy, the rhythmic simplicity – each note played soon settled the young researcher. He resolved that would wake afresh and card the wool that benumbed his mind to make peace with the Professeur and the Clan.

He was soon drifting between different dream sequences. The pool had returned. This time he had been immersed in it. It was murky in its depths. Bubbles frothed around him. A small shard of light wavered beside him. Alard followed it as a thin line, looking upwards to its source. Kicking, his body slowly ascended.

By the time he reached the surface, his lungs were bursting. He inhaled sharply at the breaching moment. Treading gently, he observed his thoughts of □ as oscillations that rippled outwards. Her memory blurred in and out of focus. Alard had not communicated with her since their disagreement on the future of their Elusimicrobia. The distance between them was more than any starship could travail. He had been informed that she had sought collaboration with those at Pallas.

Alard began to tire. His rate heart increased. Lactate acid was poisoning the muscles. He could no longer kick. Flailing, water splashed around him uncontrollably. His breathing had become chaotic. He gasped for air. Eventually, he started to sink. Still fighting, he turned one way then the next. The light source was no longer visible. His body started to cool. The pool darkened. Breath left him.

He awoke in a cold sweat. The plastic of his vertical berth felt glossy. Recycled air still entered his lungs. The straps were no tighter.

He called for one of the moon personnel. An automaton appeared at the threshold of his camp room.

‘I wish to send a communiqué.’ His slumbrous command was met with a pre-programmed pleasantry.

Alard was escorted the short distance from his quarters to the viewing room.

He thought little of Clan Dœmae and their decree that there was to be no communication with □. Even if Meuse and his associates were alerted to his present actions, his employment with the Clan had been effectively terminated. Despite his resolve to make amends, he knew the inner workings of the Clan too well. They would not take him back willingly. He would have to force their hand. By communicating with his rival, the Professeur, the Clan, everyone that he had worked for would be spooked.

His secret was their secret. Exposure risked everything.

The optical message lanced out of the base into the blackness. Alard had thrown down his astral gauntlet.

He returned to his stand and stared up at the low ceiling of the module. A neat latticework of bevelled lines intersected at regular intervals. Alard looked down and closed his eyes. He spun on an aslant axis. Music did very little to drown out his remembrances of his quarrel with Meuse. The cold dimensions of this moon closed in. Beneath him, invisible oceans of ice threatened to shatter. Eventually, a frozen hand carried him away into a bitter sleep.

Part 5

Some distance away, in the vacuum of space, between Alard’s moon and Eris, El-hen sobbed at her husband’s decision.

‘I am afraid–’ Meuse spoke firmly ‘–that the time has come to seek a newer collaborator. One with heart. One who will achieve more… desirable outcomes.’

She looked disconsolately at her husband as he continued:

‘Why are you so upset? We have lit a fire, my dear. We must take this opportunity to bathe in its light. We shall no longer operate in the shadows. Our advances will herald a new era in regenerative medicine. Our business is life!’, he exclaimed. ‘And the extension of it. It is important that we act decisively. Others are sure to follow. We cannot allow ourselves to be usurped.’

Meuse paused. He leant over towards El-hen who lay on the far side of their bed. Her body had turned away from him. She quickly withdrew her hand away from his.

The Professeur stood up and walked towards the door, feigning an absent stare. He stepped back to place his glass on the table beside their bed. The carefully co-ordinated sequence had meant that he had managed to catch his wife’s expression. She stared out blankly. A numb acceptance was etched on her face.

‘Your work with Dr. Alard – the incorporation of Appl. E. into the tissue scaffolds, the epidermal restoration, the replication in mucosal membranes – each of these steps have been important milestones…’

‘What will happen to Docteur Alard?’ Her red eyes, passionate and unyielding, had suddenly fixed upon his as he had relaxed to pour himself a drink.

‘He shall be relieved of his position’, Meuse replied curtly as he walked back towards the porthole with glass in hand.

El-hen stood up from the chair reflexively. She pivoted at the doorway, hand gripping its thick plastic frame, about to reply except that words were lost to her.

Meuse had returned to his study of the forever darkness that reached out at him beyond the porthole. He toyed with the already-emptied glass in his hand.

A smiling, elliptical shape materialised before him. It was the stiffened linen of a theatre mask mutating from one grotesque distortion to another. Its crooked mouth contorted into an incisor-exposing sneer. The grimace reflecting back at him was his own.

Earlier that evening, the Clan had intercepted Alard’s dispatch to □. Nothing contained within this message posed any immediate danger to the organisation. Nevertheless, the repercussive potential of a future exposition weighed heavily on his mind. Docteur Alard was under his direction. He bore responsibility for his team and their actions.

His thoughts moved to his wife. He felt a sense of embarrassment. Or was it fear? Regardless, she had burned both of them. Her tears were the salt-tears of a betrayer. Their salinity would cleanse the wound that she had inflicted upon their relationship.

He returned to the intercept.

Only if Alard hadn’t acted so rashly. That Square was with Pallas. He knows that. Dangerous Pallas. An unforgiving Clan.

The Professeur shuddered. More of the tranquillising liquid was required. He manoeuvred away from the vacuous void to fill his glass. Neptune came into view. She was cataract-white from this distance. A lifeless eye forever open in faceless space. Still, their craft was making good progress. Soon the pallid planet would orb blue-green before them. Eris beckoned.

Meuse paced towards the domed dormer which protruded out from the main body of the vessel like a blown-glass bleb. He sat cross-legged in the observation chair and took in the near-three-sixty-degree view of the stars. They were languid, always ambiguous, never revelatory. Their maddening stillness opposed his own self. He looked down at his glass and the golden liquid that was being made amber by the backlight from the lounge area. Its splendour bathed him in an artificial glow.

Earlier in the evening this liquid had imbued a sense of weightlessness, leaving him buoyant and drifting. As the contents of the glass had been emptied in successive measure, the weight of the fluid had been displaced inside him. He was plunging to depths unfathomable. Graceless thoughts surrounded him on his descent. A cruel disposition served as an anchor. His ego continued to sink until he was concealed by the plumes of sand and mud on the seabed of his mind. Subjectivity drowned him. He was left with an id-flooded ballast tank and a super-ego torpedoed.

Hours passed and the night drew on. A laser-message speared out of the interstellar vessel into the anonymity of space.

The restful stars continued to observe Meuse in his dormer. Their effect was disorientating. He stared into drained glass after drained glass. Nausea laddered up his gullet.

Retching, he slumped forward. His face was pressed uncomfortably against the thick pane. Meuse watched the endless black limbs of the cosmos extend towards him. It seized his body. He did not resist; rather, he simply closed his eyes and let the blanket blackness slowly smother him.

*                      *                      *

Shots continued to reverberate inside this cramped space. A kyphotic figure moved against the backdrop of the faint emergency light. His heart raced. A heavy head spun on many axes. The brightness dimmed as spasms tore through his body.

The pain was immense.

His shooter was smiling contortedly at his reflection in the corridor porthole. Blood slowly filled the gaps between his teeth. A fragmented tooth was lodged awkwardly in his top lip. The agent of Œmbelia had not been prepared for the recoil of the gun. After pulling the trigger, it kicked back into his face. A cold pain had already set in.

He walked back into the place where the bloodied body floated limply in a tangle of lax straps. Hyper-flexed knees were curled so that the figure took on a semi-circular shape. The gangly agent could not see his head. All he had heard was three dull thwumps.

The backfiring gun had filled the entirety of his visual field before it wrecked his face. But he was sure that was where his shots had entered.

Ideally, he would have liked a clean kill with the plasma cannon discharging between the eyes – had he had more bullets, he would have pulled the trigger once more for good measure. From his crude assessment of the scene, this did not appear to be necessary. His victims survival suit had been punctured beyond repair. There was no oxygen or accessory heat in this icy space.

He laughed at himself painfully as he vacated the camp.

*                      *                      *

A long clang echoed inside the arching hanger. The thermometer read two hundred below beyond the two-metre-thick blast doors. Inside, the temperature approximated minus fifteen Celsius.

The silhouetted outlines of three hooded figures were blurred by their warm breaths that cooled beyond the dew point. Each exhaled water droplet shrouded them in deeper obscurity.

After securing the newly-arrived craft, the attendants brushed down the ice that had encrusted the exterior of this vessel, eventually fastening the skybridge to one side of its fuselage.

Two figures alighted from the craft and were met by the Le Surveillant of this Eridian spaceport. He was a fastidious man, of middle age, donning a flat-crowned kofia, his spoken French was that of an islander. He gazed attentively as the matchstick outline of the flame-haired Meuse move quickly across the gangway. An extinguished El-hen trailed behind him.

‘Professeur’, Le Surveillant addressed Meuse as if the academic commanded a military garrison. ‘Professeur, we have received an emergency transmission from the Saturnian base.’

‘I shall take it in my quarters’, Meuse replied curtly, trying to feign indifference. A small bead of sweat rippled out from his temple. He brushed this away nervously. His head throbbed unbearably. The recollection of the previous night and his late-night instructions came flooding back to him.

‘Monsieur, it has been relayed to us on Fréquence Rouge. C’est une interception urgente.’

The Comorian stood firm.

‘In accordance with interstellar protocol, I must insist–’

Bien, bien.’

The Professeur followed Le Surveillant to the communication room, climbing the metal ladders to the gantry that dangled over the hanger.

‘Meuse here.’

El-hen observed her husband closely. He nodded infrequently. His verbalisation, silent to her through the thick glass of the tower, was made more difficult by his side-on stance. He mouthed something like ‘le transfert’ or ‘triompher’. She struggled to discern which it was. Meuse hailed from Québéc. His chantant often caught her out. Her intonation Maghrébine did likewise to him. Eventually, with his eyebrows raised sullenly, he turned to face her.

For whatever reason, she had been thinking of Alard and his decision to remain on the Saturnian base. It had been his way of demonstrating his determination. There he would stand his ground.

Alard the decisive! Principled Alard. She smiled as she thought of him.

Mon amour’, Meuse returned grievously. ‘Docteur Alard has been shot.’

Part 6

Alard awoke to the percussive sound of the ventilation unit. It spun cyclically. A deep thrum reverberated dully like a tabla. There was the glistening pitch of a triangle. He continued to imagine this scene as a strange symphonic dance.

His last memory had been lying bloodied in the rudimentary infirmary on that Saturnian hinterland. His transfer from their medical facilities to Ilion had been swift. Dr. El-hen had made the necessary arrangements. Her insistence that the novel Dœmaen tissue scaffold should trialled on Alard was met with congruent voices. He remained in a semi-conscious state. Oxygen tubes and intravenous lines filtered into him.

The soft tissue injuries to his hand and heel were minor. Dœmaen-derived neo-tissues were implanted to correct these.

His eye proved trickier. The bullet had pierced the cornea, rupturing his pupil and lens. Each had blown inwardly. The vitreous humour having escaped and long dried into his lower eyelid. His eye was deemed unsalvageable.

Meuse had insisted that Alard’s epigenetic signature needed altering. Full chromosomal supplanting was required, a technique that the researchers at the Clan had failed to master during their in vitro studies. Meuse sought the collective opinion of the resurrectional cognoscenti on his payroll. The first first-in-human trial of this experimental technique was sanctioned.

In a state of desperation, El-hen sough to convince the ailing Alard that this method was the only way that the Clan could save his sight. Whether it was the analgesia talking, or his own scientific intrigue, Alard agreed to this course of treatment.

‘Has □ replied?’, El-hen was asked. Alard had been met with silence. He knew that any trial of this magnitude was commercially sensitive. Pallas and her representatives could have no knowledge of it. A portcullis had sealed the Dœmaen research facility.

Alard had been born an Ilion, yet he was soon to abdicate his genetic line. Complete recombination of his DNA followed. He cared little for who or what he was or would become. He lay with his eyes bound. Appl. E. was infused. His memory was vague thereafter. Gene editing regressed him. The wheel of life came to a slow halt. He returned from adulthood to enter a pre-infant state.

Reversing foetal-further, the backpedalling gathered speed, until eventually, pluripotent cells spun out between the spokes in a dazzling array of nascency.

The wheel spun faster. His primogenitors proliferated, spiralling to disappear to reveal their procreators. The colours of carbon were the last he saw before he drifted off into an unconscious state.

Alard’s stay on Ilion was short-lived. In the days that followed, his new eye, a xenograph with his host immunity altered, had failed. Those in the hospital room ran through an exhaustive list of possible causes. Anti-microbial resistance, or potentially hyper-immunity from the recombinated signature? Maybe the bioink that was too thick? It could have been a simple infection.

The risk of rejection was supposed to have been removed by self-culturing and xenobotic-driven immunomodulation. Had it been the Appl. E.? The research team concluded that controlled studies were required. Plans were drawn up for future trials.

Those caring for Alard resolved to be unresolved. Alard’s bioengineered graft was being destroyed by his own cells. The cellular therapies he had received rendered him genotypically different. He had been changed irrecoverably. Once given, the ‘mark’ of the maker remains implanted within the nucleosomes and mitochondria.

What had been done could not be un-done. Alard was a Dœmaen now.

Meuse ordered the immediate discharge of his patient. Alard was sent to his homeland of Manitoud.

*                      *                      *

Blood seeped from his hand and his eye and his heel. The punctured Alard had been making the printed green grasses of the mountainside on his duvet blue. His hand grasped the leaf blades and tillers. He writhed in pain for the pain was still immense.

‘You come from the Reservoir of Xenos. You left as an Ilos.’

The voice of □ bored deep into his head.

‘Yet here you are, lying before me naked, ashamed, dying. Your tissue has been soiled following the failed experiments of the Clan.’

□ had changed since Alard last saw her. She was no longer an opaque screen. Her dream had always been to become embodied and she had achieved just that. Standing taller than any man or woman of the present age, her figure was slender and supple. Her black hair fell in thick waves. Bright green eyes bore into his very being.

‘I am an Ilos!’, Alard coughed uncomfortably. ‘It is my right–’

‘You resigned that right when you supplanted Ilion for Clan Dœmae. Your lymphocytic profile, your tissue signature, they are all stained with their mark. You cannot simply beg to be reverse-engineered to an Ilos again.’

Blood congealed through the gaps of Alard’s fingers as he pressed his palm tighter over the wound on his broken skull. The whites of his eye had become blood-filled. Arching his head back, he manoeuvred his body, coughing to clear his chest to ready himself to reply.

‘No! Before you ask again, the answer is no. It is not possible. I cannot regenerate you’, the scornful □ said pre-emptively.

‘You cannot, or you will not?’, Alard spluttered. The damaged muscles of his uncovered eye spasmed causing him to cry out in pain. He pressed his palm down harder.

He remained in this room, sleeping beneath the floral designs. His body moved in the sheets at frequent intervals to change the dimensions of the bright mountainside. The phosphorescence of the yellow light made his headache and nausea worse.

His euphoria soon abated. A calmer demeanour predominated in this stricken man. Occasional bursts of rabbling protest followed. Eventually, the room attained a strange silence, interspersed only by rapid rushes of deep breathing that would decrescendo to shallower sounds. His thoughts became confused, time-pressed, until – they faded to nothing.

Alard lay dead in the efflorescence of this room. His body rested amongst the violet colours of the sheeted flowers. A gentle wind had moved insouciantly through the narrow-tufted leaves of the white asphodels. A door opened. His body was transferred swiftly down the corridor towards the ejector.

His death had probably been preventable. □’s decision had been a conscious one, yet her passivity had been feigned to the fallen scientist. Power, or rather, the wielding of the broadsword of power, had always felt light in her algorithmic hands. But after Alard had been struck down, □ reflected how something as sharp as this could feel so blunt.

Years had passed since their bitter parting. She had not been prepared for Alard’s return. Despite all her strength and computational prowess, □ was left feeling something altogether different. She had never encountered the death of a patient before.

Although she had developed life-saving techniques with Pallas, she had elected not to deploy these to save Alard. Had this been out of spite? Or had she simply yielded to her algorithmic processes that assessed the probabilities to conclude that her decision was the correct one?

His body lay before her as he approached the anteroom of the ejector. Whatever the reason for her decision, it was inconsequential now. Death had consumed Alard. Even in this advanced age, anti-clockwise turning of the inscrutable hands of time was impossible.

In the days that proceeded his death, □ had learned that the bullet removed from Alard by the Dœmaen pathologist was that of an Œmbelian weapon. The fired shots had been far from clinical, yet they had proven fatal.

She wondered why those working at the Clan had transferred him to Manitoud. They must have known that he was dying. His tissues had obviously necrosed even before his arrival to this mountainous place. It was highly probable that there was not enough viable tissue to proceed with any meaningful reconstructive efforts. Had they data that she did not?

She had been led to believe that their techniques were at an early stage. Perhaps they had developed a method more novel than hers? She even considered the possibility that this had been an unsuccessful attempt by the Dœmaens to seek collaboration with her superiors at Pallas.

In reality, □ existed in a universe that was more complex than her algorithmic processes could quantify. Alard was sent to her to die. The Clan’s data were at a pre-clinical stage. Commercial interests preceded all else. Collaboration would never be acceptable in this cosmic game.

The Dœmaens had played a devious card. They considered □ to be their greatest threat. Conscience, morality, superego – they were well aware that personality, no matter how artificial the algorithm, was desired by the likes of □. The Clan harnessed the power of sorrow and torment. □ remained in a state of emotional infancy. By weaponising her creator, the Clan had launched a silent assault on all these aspects of her developing persona.

Alard had been deployed on his final mission to impart grief on an algorithm unexposed to the harsh realities of consciousness. Through this, □ would eventually be extinguished.

*                      *                      *

The long walls of Ilion disappeared from view. Feet-facing forward, Alard lay prone as he hurtled through space. A pulsed coil had launched his funeral pod into the lifeless vacuum.

Within the confines of his rectangular box, a screen flashed intermittently above his head. Alard’s upbringing, his training, all his marvellous discoveries – all these moments of his life played on repeat.

□ wondered whether she and Alard would not only progress through space, but time itself. The Thanatologist in the anteroom of the ejector had told her that some even make it to the event horizon of a black hole.

She had elected to share this cramped space with Alard as he progressed away from this life, perhaps unto a next one. □ had been uploaded to the confines of the circuity of the ten-by-ten-inch monitor above his waxen features.

Their journey would turn out to be a short one. The cosmic coffin unceremoniously careened off other coffins that littered the surrounding atmosphere of Manitoud, clustering together as flotsam.

□ persisted in personification. She possessed an ovoid face. It was featureless. She spoke to Alard. He was death-mask-calm. His skull one-eyed. Her laugh was made coarse and guttural by the poor-quality audio output.

Over time, the power waned inside their coffin. She recalled the times that Alard had guided her here. The pretences she had programmed into the Eridian systems had always been false. Detours from their scheduled trips to Dysnomia, the small moon that hung languidly above the base on Eris. Their small craft would pass through these very funeral fields on their way there.

Alard would dangle weightlessly to attach hooks to these matt-black containers, winching each one in turn towards their craft. It was a soundless task in these vacuous reaches. Inside the cargo hold, the crude hammering and scraping to crack open the coffins was cacophonous.

Alard cast each cracked coffin-shell to begin on the next one. The cut garments of those he exhumed were retained in a separate bag to the tissue samples. These he would eventually weave into in small patchworks.

The fabric that binds us.

Upon completion of this heinous work, he and □ would continue on their journey to Dysnomia to deliver their Eridian-agreed payload. They would deposit the surplus evidence of those they had exhumed in orbit. The thrusters of their craft would turn them away from the dark face of Dysnomia, to return to the Eridian laboratories.

She laughed at Appl. E. and its ridiculous nomenclature.

Alard the unashamed. Alard the wistful. Alard the visionary!

It had been in these very same cadaveric fields that they now found themselves in, amongst those they had sampled as they slept eternally. □ and Alard had agreed to waken these poor souls.

The harvesting of your flora will bring life to others, she had reassured them.

□ hoped that their coffin would be spilt open in the same way, releasing them into the openness of space. She imagined the steely glint of someone else’s scalpel cutting into Alard’s abdomen, spilling out the contents haphazardly. His gut-decayed microbiota, the Elusimicrobia, would be corralled into specimen pots and transported to blindingly bright rooms for centrifuging and incubation. Bacterial cells, cultured exponentially, would be added to polymers and hydrogels, serving to halt tissue rejection.

A perfect Promethean process. Tissues growing to die to be replaced to grow and die and be replaced again. Life persisting indefinitely. The light inside their coffin flickered as the power source began to dwindle. □ in her new state of consciousness wondered if those staring skywards on Eris would continue to perceive them as a coruscating star. Her primary sequencing returned with a more objective outcome, concluding that stars, like their observers, are only born so they can die.

The Monolith Cocktail Serialises Andrew C. Kidd’s Tennyson Imbued Opus

Dabbling over the decade with showcasing exciting, sometimes improbable, intriguing work from new and aspiring writers, the Monolith Cocktail has played host to serialisations of stories by Rick Clarke (of Vukover and The Tearless Life infamy) and Ayfer Simms (the Franco-Istanbul writer, and for a few years, an integral member of the MC team offering various reviews and conducting interviews).

Furnishing the site since Covid with review pieces and the odd feature, Glaswegian-based writer Andrew C. Kidd now adds his name to this list, sharing his grand interstellar opus with the MC readers through an epic serialisation. In the last couple of months we’ve published the Prologue, Part One and Part Two of The Violin, and, together, Parts 1 & 2 of the Hic Sunt Leones Et Corvi suite. We now set a course for the next chapter in this vast odyssey, with the concluding chapters from Hic Sunt Leones Et Corvi.

Part 3

Crone had received a warning that only he as Captain could receive.

He excused himself from his sub-officers on the bridge, claiming that the array of Radioman’s random amplitudes were uninterpretable. The amplitudes on his monitor were indeed indecipherable, but only to those who did not possess the 14- to 30-Hz read-out.

Those like Crone who commanded these interstellar vessels had been trained to interpret subtle forewarnings. The β-waves of an EEG could contain such information. A signal buried within these waves may well be their salvation. It may also forecast their downfall.

Once in the stateroom of the fo’c’sle, Crone walked over to the wall and opened a hatch hidden from view. He removed a small container that contained the means to disentangle the β-waves contained within the electroencephalograph on his display unit.

Although it was disputed (but never disproved), Crone knew that the human brain was capable of presentiment. It had been obvious to him after years of observing the outputs of the radiomen and radiowomen on his vessels. He was well aware that the aural skills of these foreseers were variable. Crone knew that the Radioman on this particular vessel was an especially adroit technician.

He lay down on the bench in the stateroom. The container in his hand was matt-grey. Dimensionally it was no larger than a small cup.

After attaching the monitors that would read his vital signs, he exhaled slowly. His pulse remained too fast; he would have to slow his ventricular rate. Placidity was a perquisite for the success of this procedure. He ingested three caplets to induce a temporary somnolence.

Upon his bald dome he placed a thin cap. Electrodes of all colours budded out of the headgear, travelling out as small wires, terminating in the grey device. He manoeuvred a glass screen that angled towards him. His index finger pressed a small icon on the semi-transparent display.

The conveyance had begun.

As he slipped into a semi-conscious state, Crone’s mind wondered across different planes. Heavy, leaden and unhelpful, the thoughts in the lower rungs were anxiety-ridden. He climbed a vaporous ladder to seek a higher plane.

As he ascended into a deeper trance, he drifted upwards where the air was lighter. Listing weightlessly in atmospheric bliss, he was now lighter. It was in these higher planes where Crone listened to the susurrous plasma wind. The sound of sterility, of solitude. It was here that he saw them.

All seven of them.

Static pops and crackles of comets ellipsed around him. His mind focused on their icy forms, their rock-pocked appearance, their plainness.

He slipped into a small crater of one of these as their belt unbuckled. Jettisoned by Neptune, Crone journeyed with the seven ice-stones as they hurtled silently, and outwardly, towards the Heliosphere. He wished to remain with them on their million-year journey. All the star forms. Every whorl of the gas clouds. The secrets of the multiverse would be shown to them.

But this voyage was to be a short one, ending abruptly in an ear-splitting and clangourous conclusion.

Crone peered over the lip of the crater as it approached an epochal vessel. To the left and right of him, the seven comets were on a collision course with its starboard side. The hit would be direct.

Digging hard, his nails split. He was trying to burrow deeper into the centre of the crater. A sudden jolt pushed him hard up against its stony interior. He tumbled around until he was thrown from the comet.

His limp body assumed a star-shape, cartwheeling into the lightless void. As he sank into the depths, he watched as the epochal vessel disintegrated.

The bridge had been struck first. Pressure from the comet had caused it to cave in. The bodies of those inside had exploded instantly. Three escape pods that had managed to depart from the mainbody of the vessel had also been hit. The largest of the comets slammed into its side with such force that it split the grand ship in two. Its remaining crew spilled out in all directions.

This astral vessel bled out slowly in an abysmal haemorrhage.

The chances of such an impact were almost null…

The architects of these grand ships had made no provision to bolster their exterior to protect against such a zero-chance event. Crone returned to the fateful scene and closed his eyes and let his body float disconnectedly into the darkness.

His mind was guided in semi-consciousness. The device attached to his head proffered the visions of the Radioman. Interpretation was difficult. It may have been a past event. Crone had not recognised the ship that was destroyed. It was the largest vessel he had ever encountered, but flagless.

The pennant number! The stern… it’ll be located there…

Crone managed to re-position himself so that he could grapple with the largest remaining portion of the devastated vessel. He could visualise one letter: .

After hauling himself inside one of the puncture holes, he sought to locate its last known coordinates. He quickly found himself on the bridge. It had been completely destroyed. He sought to locate the control panels. If he could not determine its last known coordinates, he could at least ascertain what trajectory it was travelling.

The lop-sided segment of a glass panel hung defectively before him. It was translucent. No power propagated through this. Any hope of obtaining access to the navigational systems had faded.

The remnant of the ship was in freefall. He knew that its axes in space were incalculable, its orbit indeterminate. No celestial bodies were forthcoming. His position could not be extrapolated. He turned around wretchedly, observing his battered surroundings.

He woke to a blinking monitor in the stateroom. His pulse rate had accelerated. His overalls were saturated in sweat.

Crone walked down the steps from the bridge into the fo’c’sle to stand on the other side of the metal wall that housed his Radioman.

He imagined what the inside of the chamber would look like. He had never actually observed one. His only reference was the images shown to him during his training many years ago. He knew that he could not get inside the listening chamber. Such an action was forbidden, unforgivable even. He simply stood on the other side of the cross-legged Radioman and listened to the totality of pure silence.

Crone spoke privately but assuredly.

‘I know that you can hear me. I have seen what you have seen. The coordinates, its trajectory, I… I couldn’t obtain these data.’

He held his thoughts for a brief second before speaking again, enquiring endlessly about what he had been shown, about what it meant for him and his crew.

Impassivity persisted. The wall made no reply.

Crone eventually returned to the bridge. He summoned the Commissar. The hour was late.

‘The letter , epsilon, on a ship’s bow… what class of vessel contains these characters?’, he asked bluntly.

A broad-faced man stood attentively before him. His brows closed in. Crone could see from the awkward posturing that the Commissar knew exactly what he was talking about.

‘Well… spit it out!’, Crone pressed.

‘I am afraid that I am not at liberty to provide this information, Cap’n’, the burly man blurted out. ‘I am bound by confidentiality of the Order of Orbis…’

‘On this vessel you are under my authority–’ Crone cut his man short. ‘I shall ask you once again.’

‘Sir–’

‘That is quite enough. Do as I ask.’

The Commissar played awkwardly with the cuffs of his tunic. He gave Crone little eye contact.

‘She is an epochal vessel’, he puffed. ‘A new class of ship. Albeit imminent, I am not aware of any having been launched yet. The communiqués that I received from Orbis have alluded to their significance–’

Significance?’, Crone mimicked.

‘Significant, invaluable – however you would like to phrase it.’

‘You elected to use the word “significant”. So, it is “invaluable” now? What is it, man?! Speak clearly.’

Crone stood stolidly. His gaze remained resolutely on the avoidant eyes of the Commissar.

‘Crone… Cap’n, this is all the information I have received. Orbis have divulged nothing further.’

‘Well, I must say, this is all rather elusive’, the Second Officer interrupted without diverting her gaze from the chart table.

‘We are a research vessel’, the Commissar dictated. ‘The mission given to us by Orbis is to seek safe passage through the Heliosphere, to pave a future for humanity.’

‘Yes, yes–’, Crone nodded cagily at the Commissar, his mind now evidently distracted. ‘That will be all.’

He sighed to himself as he vacated the bridge to return to the stateroom.

After donning the wire cap again, he ingested another three caplets to cross the brain-bridge to his Radioman. β-waves, unsystematic in their flickering, were ignored by the navigational officers observing the EEG output on the bridge.

Crone, dwarfed again by the towering letter ἐ that emblazoned the stern of this unknown vessel, clung to its fractured body. He clambered into its lower decks and made his way upwards to enter its command station.

The passage of time had meant that the ship had disintegrated further since he had last entered it. Very little was left of the engine room. All the glass was gone. Such rapid decline of the imagined wreck was due to the fallibility of foresight. This frailty of forecasting had also meant that the gap that he had scrambled through to gain access to the vessel was not in the same place as it had been previously. Although the memory of the Radioman was fragmented, Crone continued to have faith that his second sight would cast a light upon what he needed to see.

Determining the intersection point of the comets and this blighted vessel was crucial. This was what the Radioman was trying to tell him. Crone knew that all interstellar ships travelled in the direction of Pausanias.

If only the direction of the comets were travelling relative to the ship could be revealed

He located the panel in the engine room that communicated with the dynamic positioning apparatus. This inertial navigational system was non-functional. The pressure sensors had blown. Even if they had been intact, the ship was powerless. At this Heliospheric boundary, the weak signal from Earth meant that he could not locate himself using the equatorial coordinate system.

Crone knew that he would have to find another way.

Space is timeless. The absence of satellites beyond the Heliosphere (natural and unnatural) made distances difficult to interpret. Triangulation of his own position was the only feasible method he could employ. The coordinates of Pausanias were known because his vessel was following the same ballistic path. This exoplanet would serve as his X coordinate.

He recounted the celestial road that he and his crew had travelled along from the sub-station that orbited around Neptune and its angular distance from the Vernal Equinox – this would be his Y coordinate.

Crone just needed a body, a celestial point of reference, for his Z coordinate.

Theorists postulated that the stars Adrastus and Arion would shine the brightest after the Heliopause had been crossed. The former was left-angled to the plane of the Solar System, and the latter, right-angled.

Crone, tiring in his drug-induced state, squinted at the ringed coruscations of the two stars that would serve to guide him. Adrastus was indeed the brighter of the two. Arion seemed to race away, blinking indistinctly into the distance before rearing its head again, fleetingly.

Drawing a circular line as an arc that inflexed his surroundings, he calculated the angle that they shared with one another. But he remained effectively blind. There was nothing obvious that could serve as a reference point along this stellar circumference.

The ship continued to disintegrate in the memory of the Radioman. Its position was soon to be lost in the immensity of deepening space. Crone cursed for he knew that had precious little time to find this crucial point to complete his triangulation.

He inhaled slowly. After studying the hastily-calculated coordinates displayed on his helmet visor, Crone settled on a new approach. A simpler one.

He would serve as the final reference point on the triangle.

A marker was placed on the wall of the stricken ship so that he could track its current position. After jettisoning himself from the vessel, the small thrusters built into his survival suit propelled him forward. Crone slipped into the darkness between his two guide stars.

His mind wandered as he shot along this axis. He thought of his crew: the sardonic Second Officer; the anxious Commissar; the inexperienced ratings; the Radioman he remained inter-connected to. Their brains bridged effortlessly in this mysterious place. Crone wondered why the Radioman had been given these visions, and by whom.

After intersecting his drawn circle, the ship was so far away that he could no longer see its broken form. Adrastus and Arion were equidistant to him, their light fading by the hour.

In these deeper reaches, he had started to drift. The blackness of space was beginning to lighten. His surroundings took on a charcoal tone. The effect of his caplets was wearing off.

A short while later, Crone woke to a jolt. Cosmic dust had brushed against his arm. He was lost in the depths of the unknown. Space was now fossil-grey and lightening by the minute. Adrastus and Arion stars were invisible to him. His plan had failed! He drifted away.

He opened his eyes again and was back on the stricken ship. It had disintegrated even further. He lay on the shorn section of one of its wings.

Crone knew that he was travelling deeper into the subconscious of the Radioman. Space had moved along the tone-gradient. Silver-grey had become cloud-grey until everything was blindingly bright. He could no longer see, but he could hear.

A repetitive scratching sound bored into his psyche. Its frequency was somewhere in the highest ranges. It pierced and pulsed, revolving around a rotational axis. He knew that he was near a pulsar.

It was evident that many years had passed since the crash. A debris field was orbiting around the vessel. As he listened to the dust and detritus that circled the ship, Crone thought that he could hear a figure walking through the shrilling pulsar. He leant forward on the broken wing of the ship. The energy that this solitary soul emitted was faint, but there was no doubting he or she or it was there. An apparition, a phantasm, a chimaera – whatever it was, it cut a dimmed shadow through the caterwauling waves of the pulsar.

Above the din, Crone concentrated. The rapid rotations of these neutron stars emitted stable frequencies of electromagnetic radiation. Their photonic signals meant that they could be considered celestial lighthouses. As the different frequencies scintillated through the interstellar medium, he was shown the final position of the stricken vessel. He could not explain how this had been revealed to him. There was no way he could never have known his distance to the pulsar.

He continued to lie on the wing of the vessel in a semi-conscious state. The calculations based on the speed and brightness of light that travelled to him were not his own. He thought of the Radioman as an invisible hand that had guided him here.

Space had reverted from its blinding brightness to transform into a darkening penumbra. The grey dusked towards darkness, and eventually, an impenetrable umbra.

Static had already crept into Crone’s ears. This white noise fizzled and popped. The shadow that had shaded through the bright frequencies of the pulsar had begun to fade. His mind wandered.

Bodies. Celestial bodies, echoes within space-time. Interference…

Crone resolved to being unresolved. He could feel his body rotating like the pulsar that spun on its axis. Semi-centrifugal forces pulled him slowly towards them, until – the enigmatic energy suddenly stopped. He was thrown from the wing of the ship to slip into endless tenebrosity.

The time that proceeded was unilluminated for Crone. He moved between consciousness and insentience, returning to his peregrination on the cratered comet, and the faint haloes of Adrastus and Arion which he had observed from the starboard side of the wrecked ship travelling in the direction of Draco on the North Ecliptic Pole.

The light filtering through the visor was now searing. Space was opening. He would soon wake up.

Crone squinted at his helmet display and the drawn coordinates. A small mark was placed at the points the lines of travelling destroyed vessel and comets met. It would be at this exact point that the ship would meet its end.

Having exited this barren place, Crone found himself in the infirmary. An oxygen mask misted his vision. The blurry outlines of the Second Officer and those from of medical team slowly came into focus.

‘We thought we had lost you.’ The Second Officer smiled nervously.

Crone turned his head to observe representatives of Commissar the rifling through his possessions. He had made meticulous recordings. Two boxes, emptied of the pills he had ingested to return to the mind of the Radioman, were in the hands of the burly Commissar.

‘By the Order of Orbis, under the Sub-Article pertaining to Medicamento Usus, I am hereby relieving you of command of this vessel.’

Crone flitted in and out of consciousness over the proceeding days. He was moved back to his quarters where he remained under arrest. His subconscious recollections returned to him slowly. The were made blurry by a throbbing headache and the vice-like grip of nausea. He reminded himself that the epochal vessel had yet to inhabit the location in space that had been conveyed to him. Those nomadic rocks of his nightmare visions had yet to intersect with it.

‘Significant’ had been the adjective used by the Commissar to describe this flagship. Crone had been a witness to how magnificent this epsilon-marked vessel was. She was indeed ‘invaluable’.

His mission was to save her.

Part 4

Remnants of comets, normally shining as zodiacal light, had dissipated. Night finally capitulated to dawn. It was a true dawn this time.

Light fluorescence besieged the room in which Crone had been imprisoned. A guard lay dead on the floor.

After ascending the steps from his quarters, he manipulated the systems that coded the opening of the bridge doors. His actions had resulted in an emergency alarm being triggered, alerting those on the sub-level of the bridge to rush towards the escape pods in the main deck.

Two sub-officers manned the steering controls and navigational systems. Crone approached them with the plasma pistol of the murdered guard in his hand.

‘Out!’, he uttered forcibly.

They cleared the bridge. His gun tracked them to the port door which clicked shut. There could be no attempts at re-entry other than by force. Crone had finally barricaded himself in.

He recalled the visions of the clay-grey rocks that he had clung onto during his cerebral connection with the Radioman. This time they were tangible. It was no longer an imagined scenario.

Crone used the sounding radar to locate closely clustered comet group. The low operating frequency mapped out their stony, ball-like structures. There were indeed seven of them, just as he been shown deep in reverie.

He moved over to the steering controls and his hand pressed down on a towering glass screen. It had been translucent until touched. The image of a large wheel slowly came into focus. Using his two hands, he pushed away on the surface of the glass to turn it counterclockwise from its north west 315° position. An automated voice confirmed the new coordinates:

run.bearing change. . .

*/command ( bearing south, 135° )

*/command ( correction for west-south-west, minus 60°)

*/outcome( Azimuth change minus 75° )

*/outcome ( new course from north 0°: 240° )

*/. . .

The compass star eventually faded on the navigational screen.

Crew members had started to assemble outside of the glass-encased bridge. They rushed down to the exit and made the necessary preparations to evacuate. The two sub-officers who had been muscled out had alerted the Commissar. A group dressed in interstellar survival suits had rushed up the stairs to challenge the Captain.

The Commissar was the first to thump repeatedly on the glass. He had observed the new co-ordinates set by Crone.

‘He must be neutralised at all costs. I repea…’

The Second Officer was stopped mid-sentence by the panicked shriek of the Chief Navigational Officer. A sounding radar had confirmed that the ship was being manoeuvred to intersect the path travelled by the seven unmarked objects.

‘Lampworks at the ready’, the Second Officer intoned methodically.

One of the Lieutenants, already masked and holding the heating apparatus, stepped forward and commenced work to melt the glass door. Crone turned around to observe these actions. The insouciant Second Officer stood stock-still with her arms folded.

A gentle thudding noise thrummed rhythmically behind him. The glass was thick. It would take several hours to break through it, even with a probe directing 500°C at it.

Crone walked over to address those on the other side of the door.

‘Ready the escape shuttles for you and the crew. It is time to abandon ship.’

The Second Officer stood calmly on the opposing side. She casually turned to walk away, laughing quietly.

‘I cannot let you destroy this ship. You know that as well as I do.’

Crone knew that the chances of survival in the escape shuttles on this side of the Heliosphere were effectively zero. He observed the sardonic mask that his Second Officer so often bore. They had travelled many lightyears together. Her mordant and oratorical affectations had served her well in that time. Her personality had always shone brightest in moments of crisis. Yet Crone could discern worry in her face. He had taken a deeply violent and chaotic course. She knew that everyone on this vessel was oarless and fast approaching a precipice. Her wide-eyed gaze had demonstrated to Crone that the reality of the present situation flooded into her like a torrent.

‘You also know that I am bound by law to ask that you desist from your present course of action.’ Her voice was sure enough. She smiled caustically at him.

‘However, I am equally aware that this action that you have so suddenly taken upon yourself will be executed regardless of our counteractions.’

Her tone had shifted from an acidic antagonism to a more alkaline amity.

Crone stepped back from the glass. He reluctantly elected not to reply to the Second Officer who remained anchored to the spot as other crew members paraded around in angst. The bright light from the heating probe lit up behind him.

‘Crone’, the breathless Commissar broke through on the radio. ‘I implore you to reconsider this calamitous enterprise. Please stop this madness for the sake of your crew!’

Crone had never wished for a conclusion as devastating as this. Death was a fate accepted by most spacefaring souls. Their predilection was for a glorious one, although few could define what they meant by that. He knew that no death was ever glorious, and the situation that he and his crew found themselves in was far from glorious. It was cruel despite its predetermination. He felt an unfathomable shame as he observed the seven comets come into view at the bow window.

In the immediate seconds before impact, Crone stood by with his hands by his side. He felt a cold comfort that his crew were with him, albeit acutely aware that they had not voluntarily acquiesced their lives for a greater cause. He also ruminated on the condition of the Radioman in the bowsprit. After all, it had been his visions that had led to this moment.

The pumice-like appearance of the comets moved within touching distance. They were just as they had been shown to him. Their exterior took on a shellacked appearance as the rays of the Sun touched them. These roving ice-rocks were ordinances that would detonate everything that he had ever known.

To those inside, the impact was a sonorous and terrifying affair. To the dying stars on the outside, a silent scene ensued.

*                      *                      *

Flames leapt variably in the far end of the ship. It had taken hold in the quarterdeck and spread rapidly towards the bridge and main deck. The fire would soon spread to the galley, and eventually, the fo’c’sle.

An old man woke up suddenly. He touched a band of sweat that stretched across his hairless head. His figure silhouetted against the sickening brightness of a wall-projection that darted and danced agitatedly. Birds of all colours and feathers and forms sang and bobbed and pecked away.

The forms on the display were invisible to him. The white-opaqueness of his eyes, keratin-filled as cataracts, were made even brighter by the brilliance of the stars. His life had been a long one. His lips parted in a passive smile.

Cawwww!

Black bodies seemed to fly out of the monitor. He listened to their cackle. A deafening crescendo of sound elevated into the sky. Their calls were harsh and grating.

He tried to stand but his hand slipped down one arm of the chair. The vessels in his head thrummed. He let out a shriek as the visions of his youth made an uninvited return.

The larger body had already carried out its murderous act. After his comrade had fallen, it positioned itself with the rest of the dark circle. Their collective cawing intensified and filled the evening air. They sung a mournful half-song. Their black hearts spilled out dry.

A cacophony of sound circled up into the very heavens of their world. Rain fell like tears from that ethereal and unknowable place.

The fate of another of one of the dark figures had been decided. Its body was smaller, but equally as black and mysterious as the rest. Wings had started to flap in slow-motion. Wet feathers glossed against the falling light. It had darted off into the rain.

The old man watched it rise and climb until – crack! It was struck down after a sudden flash. A bolt from the heavens had javelined its way through its heart. Lightning lit all around it.

Its descent was short. After hitting a branch of a low-lying tree, it spun uncontrollably and landed violently in the mud. Convulsing in unconscious terror, the rain-soaked ground swelled to saturate its broken body. Like the first of the black figures to die, it too had become mud-stuck. Its nictitating membranes slid halfway across its eyes, thus exiting the world through a vacant stare.

Although these visions were not new to him, the old Radioman still repented at this memory. He recalled the long nights in the Solar System spent in the listening chambers and the tremors felt onboard his ship as it passed through the Heliosphere. In deeper space, thousands of souls had been dashed against the ice-rocks that were bound for his vessel, the magnificent, the significant, the invaluable Theban. His subconscious action had led to the demise of the Menoecean which opened its chest to receive a comet-bound death.

The old man was helped to his feet by a nurse. He stooped over, fumbling for the handle of his walking stick. He coughed, pausing to wipe the side of his mouth with a handkerchief. A small tear trickled down his face and glistened in the fluorescent light of the projected screen. This tear was shed for the lightning-struck Capaneus.

He lamented its fate. These later visions had not arrived in enough time for him to warn its crew.

*                      *                      *

Modular undulations hissed and crackled quietly. The radio of the rescue personnel welcomed an incoming voice that enunciated in popping susurrus. Collectively, they listened to the familiar hiss. Voices slowly appeared from the static shadows like spectres from the past.

Switch to Ka-band. Repeat, Ka-band. Over.

Transmission received, Theban. This is CA445. Capaneus. Repeat CA445. Switching to Ka-band. Over.

Transmission received on Ka-band. Frequency reading 40 GHz. What is your position? Over.

Heading on trajectory__  apex. Right asc… on __ degrees, declination -30 degrees. Over.

Radio static had spliced the broadcast.

Capaneus, transmission partly received. Change frequency reading to 35 GHz. Repeat last transmission. Over.

Tra–––ion re–––d… ency… reading__ . Heading on traj––– sol…

The crackling persisted in the transceivers of the recue party. It eventually trailed off as the Adjutant stopped the recording.

‘Nothing further was received from this point.’

The Overseer nodded in quiet affirmation. Perhaps the conveyance had been interrupted as it transitioned through the Heliosphere?

‘Have you communicated this to the Theban?’

‘Yes, Madam. According to the Cosmic Cartage, the Capaneus was registered as a warship. She was presumed lost two-years ago’, the Adjutant replied candidly.

*                      *                      *

The bridge of the Capaneus had been a glass orb. Star systems were visible to its occupants from every angle. A stalky figure stood with her hands clasped behind her back and observed the endless abyss from the clear globe. Their navigation of the Heliosphere had been uneventful. The bow-shock had been shockless.

‘These data are over one-year old.’ Her reply had been dismissive. ‘The Menoecean self-destructed’, she concluded, unmoved from her standing position.

‘That was the theory, Cap’n’, replied the Second Officer who remained seated. ‘But I have presented to you the analyses of the historical data…’

‘Yes… you have’. The reply was barbed. ‘But I must ask you to recount what actions you took at that time’, she interjected. ‘No–’ she sought to assess the situation from a different angle ‘–before that, you explained…’

‘I know damn well what I explained to you!’

The Captain quickly swung around to look at the broad face of her Second Officer.

‘You informed me that you had momentarily – “momentarily!”, I must emphasise – observed seven objects. And that you considered these objects to be pirate vessels in our immediate vicinity. And, I must add further, you were unable to discern what their call signs were despite repeated attempts to do so.’

The Second Officer stared blankly at her.

‘Your actions led the Principal Gunnery Officer to prime our plasma cannons. How did you explain that again…’ She was thinking out aloud.

‘Ah yes, you explained that this was a… a…’ She tapered off again blankly.

‘–a precautionary measure’, the Second Officer eventually posited.

‘Indeed. “A precautionary measure”. And as I recall, these actions delayed our attempts to locate what remained of the Menoecean, did they not?’ Her tone was firm.

‘We remained in a state of readiness over the proceeding days – days which we know now were wasted because no encounter was ever made with a hostile element.’

The Second Officer had been calm in his explanation. Those inside the glass orb of the bridge settled into a brief silence. This was broken by a long sigh of the Captain.

‘If I may, the subsequent analysis of these data suggest the possibility of a comet…’

‘A trans-Neptunian object strike is a zero-chance event!’, the Captain interrupted her Second Officer. ‘What will you proffer next? A sonic irregularity caused by an electromagnetic storm. That… that this could not be tempered by its lead-lining through some defect?’

The Captain paused for a moment, shaking her head despondently. ‘The Menoecean was effectively infallible.’

She turned to face the black obscurity beyond the glass. Her equivocate mind wandered. Those on the bridge had considered her last remark to be far from convincing.

Deep inside the body of the Capaneus, miles of intricate and colourful circuitry ran in parallel with one another. Accessory wires, some thick, others thin, expertly hidden from view by its architects, peeled off at varying angles to channel electricity to power the smallest light sensors and the largest turbines that cooled the fusion reactors of this warship. These reactors propelled her into days that yielded to nights that forfeited to days again. They pushed her into the Heliosphere.

It had been after this final hurdle that the Capaneus listed awkwardly. The cause of its departure from this world had been an innocuous one. A simple malfunction in her maze of wires.

The flaming tide that tore through the length of her internal body eventually balled-out in fiery fury. Its crew had tried to make their inevitable rush to escape. Those in the engine room perished instantly from the fires that burned. Its thick walls had served as a crematorium leaving those inside to whorl as ashes.

The bridge had descended into chaos. Distress calls flickered out from its transmitter in successive volleys in the hope that this would be picked up by nearby support vessels. Attempts to douse the fires that rolled through her decks had been futile. The casings of its weaponry melted in the heat. Once ignited, the vessel and all its crew disappeared in a world-ending explosion.

*                      *                      *

One of the Auxiliaries of the rescue personnel spoke into his radio set as they were decamping from the destroyed Menoecean.

‘Tukdam–’

The Overseer turned around to face the Auxiliary. The helmet nose-bar obscured most of his face. She looked into his dispassionate eyes as he continued:

‘–the preservation of consciousness even after the body has ceased functioning.’

Her phlegmatic inferior had placed his hand on the port door casing to steady himself. Leaning forward, he had motioned to continue further. The Overseer raised her gloved hand in a show of immediate interjection.

‘The Radioman is dead’, she stated. ‘Lost to space. We shall leave him within the confines of his listening chamber. In pace.’

The Adjutant left the stateroom. As he floated past the listening chamber, he looked over his shoulder for the final time at the closed eyes of the cross-legged Radioman. He was the last of the rescue personnel to alight from the Menoecean. The thrusters of their ship burned like two bright eyes, blinking as they faded into the depths of space.

*                      *                      *

In the separated bowsprit, the whistling sound that had been so intense had now resolved to fade. This high frequency sound had become fainter, thinned out by the lack of air. The Radioman knew that he had been lampooned on the broken portion of the Menoecean.

As the flames engulfed his vessel, he had listened to the drama that unfolded beyond the walls of his chamber. The shouting, the crying – the growling.

He sat closed-eyed and returned to the arid landscape of his mind as the flames edged closer. Having crawled through the dry grasses, his hands met the base of the acacia tree. A deepening growl vibrated through his body. He could not see their whiskered heads. Their forms were hidden in the darkness of the shade on the other side of this small hill.

He remained motionless. Beads of sweat trickled down his temples and neck to saturate the collar of his tunic. The vibrating intensified further as the white-hot knuckles of fire rapped at the walls of the bowsprit.

The Radioman rested against the tree, acutely aware that the forms on the other side were now solely focused on him. He could hear their paws scratch in the sand as they stood up and stretched out.

He gazed out at the red hue that had appeared at the horizon line. Night was coming to an end. Light was beginning to spill out across this dusty landscape. It illuminated his feet then his legs. His entire body would soon be revealed in a flood of rippling brightness.

He listened to the growling forms as they made their way towards the tree.

A small discoid brightness disappeared in the morning sky. It could have been a thumb-print impression of the Moon or the white-hot thrusters of a departing ship. As the whiskered shadows grew behind him, he smiled at those who had made their escape.

Andrew C. Kidd


Written by Rick Clarke/Illustrations by Andrzej Klimowski




As you may know if you’re a regular follower of The Monolith Cocktail, we’ve been serialising a number of new novels and writings from debut authors over the last two years; beginning with Ayfer Simm‘s Istanbul pyschogeograhy A Rumor In Üsküdar in 2019.  Following on Ayfer’s heels we’re now serialising the Lynchian semi-biographical and incomprehensible jukebox set wanderings of Dan Shea (Bordellos, Vukovar and Beauty Stab infamy) and Rick Clarke’s (bandmate of Shea and rallying beacon of the band Vukovar, and Horrible Porn) new novel The Great Immurement: The previous fifteen chapters of which have appeared over the last two months.

We continue with those NSFW semi-esoteric imaginings below, and bring you the final chapters, ‘Infinitum’,‘The Garden Of The Parabolic Mirror With One Thousand Eyes’, ‘The Angels Of Cremation Cremate The Great Immured, and ‘The Body Abdicator’; illustrated as always by the illustrious Andrzej Klimowski


INFINITUM

Whose body is gone? To recount is to doubt. To understand is to un-exist. Whose body is whose?

 

I inserted my penis into the lubrication port – the uncomfortable tickle from the sudden spread of cold gel upon the head of my genitalia remained the same each day, and had done since I first started producing sperm all those decades ago when my body was different, much different, and I was just a boy.

Our leaders made a point of rearing us to be aware and to be intelligent just to show us how stupid we are; farmed bovine only alive for the purpose of being milked for our seed. They kept us justabout- content and satisfied so that we would never chase nor imagine a a grand change. We were fed, sheltered, occupied, cleansed, educated and given a certain amount of freedom. All as long as we provided our milk at least once a day. We don’t need or want to exist much outside of our small but comfortable rooms. One click of a button and you could change the appearance of your room instantly. I kept mine neutral. We had unlimited access to any leisure, any art to occupy the mind, to never feel dulled, to never want more.

The men with defects were destroyed straight away in the abattoir, along with the elderly, infirm and the ones whose milk ran dry, or missed their appointment, or became ill – this was rare as the leaders made every effort to stop the spread or cultivation of diseases.

The enforcers who took the no-longer-productive to the abattoir were to be avoided. It’s hard to understand what they were, whether they were actually human or not. They would appear out of nowhere, seemingly made from a rubbery, shiny burgundy type overall that covered them head to toe, with a gap for the stainless steel framed goggles. They came in armed – unnecessarily so as they would never be attacked – with a 7 foot high steel stick, atop of which a complex, multi-layered metal mesh square was fitted, very much akin to a fly swatter. It gave off a hideous high pitched feedback sound which didn’t have to try very hard to persuade us to stay in our rooms. They walked slowly, like a funeral procession, fly swatter swung ever so carefully like a towering, nodding bringer of torment.

———

 

I pulled my penis from the lubrication port and held the thick, throbbing fleshy tube in my hand. Filled with an odd sort of pride I had never felt before for the glistening succulence of my powerful erection, I moved to the back wall of my room and inserted it into what me and my fellows liked to call the ‘glory hole’ – a perfectly smoothed round hole built into the glossy concrete. The extraction was strong, almost sucking the semen straight from the sack, and the orgasm was weak, as was usually the case.

An alarm sounded as I wiped myself down. I looked up to see my walls flashing red – none of this was particularly uncomfortable; the lights weren’t garish and the alarm was quiet.

Gas.

I awoke briefly to see I was being led by the enforcers towards the abattoir. I caught occasional glimpses of things in fits of occasional consciousness. I saw a female in the flesh for the first time – there was a cluster of them in the sterile room around me. Some busy with machinery, others staring at me in-between furiously taking down notes.

———

 

I found myself in the body of a two year old, my surroundings felt homely and close to my heart. I was surely experiencing the life of an ancestor long forgotten.

It was clear to me that I had misbehaved. I looked down, pouting, in a mixture of shame for my behaviour and defiance in the face of being disciplined. I felt like I’d been sitting on this naughty step for forever, though it couldn’t have been longer than a minute. The moment was broken in the most tender way possible as a hand descended down in front of me towards my own; my Father’s silent indication that all was forgiven and that I should take it, and walk on alongside him, wherever that may be – into the living room… into the wild… into death. At that moment, at that age, at that awe, wherever he would lead, I would follow.

 

 

 

There is a blurring of lines in this immurement. One death is all death and all death brings are these strange fevers.




THE GARDEN OF THE PARABOLIC MIRROR WITH ONE THOUSAND EYES

All romance and romantic ideals, all meeting of souls and all other proclamations of singular love all move their story to one place; it is the place of the height of feeling, and, also the place of the death of it. The Great Immured takes a look from a window that no longer exists.

 

To move quickly, to go with haste.

We dragged our unresponsive flesh to the place where we meet thee.

Corridors of vicious brambles and sharp-end smashed glass – these tours met with insolence and nonchalance. Hands torn in desperate pulls on barbed wire spurs, skin encrusted in assortments of filth.

Always just beyond, always just one more lifetime of effort away… Non-paths seemingly leading straight TO but then away FROM this exalting garden, and if hope had begun in the first place then it would surely end. And time…

Time passes, running in the direction of our next encounter. Oppressive in its overwhelming manner; requesting everything of thee, to offer up thy life, but in turn, thy life becoming enriched by it.

…and still time passes. That is until we and thee clasp hands once more in this sacred place of reflection and refraction.

Not even time can find us there.

The fire of thine eyes, the care of our lips.

Time sighs – it knows it can’t get us. It is nothing. Together we have escaped nothingness.

                                                 X                    X                    X

The parabolic mirror with a thousand eyes, a thousand stars, a thousand stares, stands majestic in its corner of overgrowth, cracking the damp concrete and remnants of another place upon which it now rests.

‘Lord’ we say ‘sever our souls.’

The thousand eyes, thousand stars, stare us down but not without sympathy.

Us vessel-snatchers know the power already.

Our prayer: when we go and meet in the garden of our dreams, let us lose our arms, lose our legs, melt into the air, cut our friends, cut our hair, melt into one.

But in this meeting, in the absence of time, in the weariness of these bodies that were not meant for us, the love of the parabolic mirror before us will give in, we will be entangled, as we already are, but we will be at play; at play freely in every sense of the word, at play always, never again lost and having to be found.

                                                   X                   X                   X

Every eye, every one of the thousand, of the thousand stars, must be stared to and at all at the same moment.

This is done.

The tearing sensation brings peace as much as the pain – the death of pain is swift, with the deftness of the promise of happiness bringing the relief.

As the visions of silence split, as the whole self splits, all sensation becomes far-away – still there but as though distanced by a tunnel; the light at the other end is clearly visible, however incomprehendable it may be, and so filtered by the air and space between.

                                                             X                   X                      X

The court of the parabolic mirror remained still. The eye and the star and the stare of each fragment sometimes darted quickly, seeing everything that can ever be seen, and sometimes looked lazily straight ahead. Nobody would ever find themselves in this part of the Otherlands again. But the promise of the parabolic mirror no longer mattered. It had performed the act of ultimate transformation it was always destined to. The stars would soon return home and the eyes would rest; the cracked glass would be covered with a wildfire moss and the passing of nothing would continue.

                                                            X                      X                    X

They played, hiding and seeking at opposite ends of the universes without fear of loss.

Play without the looming shadow of curfews.

Play without the need for justification.

Play without end.

 

The Great Immured turned from all he had seen before, bored, wishing that one day, true love would resemble something else, somewhere else. To take on a different form than a romantic notion of lost souls finding each other. Something he himself was guilty of.




THE ANGELS OF CREMATION CREMATE THE GREAT IMMURED

We witness
Without sympathy
But with love
Without warning thee from above
Of the terror and the peace that’s about to come

You’ll be our little grey sprinkles
Our magic little sprinkles
Our black and white cinders
Our tiny little presents to God.




THE BODY ABDICATOR

As now, during this final abdication of the body, leaves me unable to regard the room around me with any sense, the urge must lead somewhere.

 

This room… this room, its regard for me held in high contempt, this place itself as torture, this room with its ever changing features. It doesn’t allow me to sit and wait for everything to pass, this room.

 

There is the crying man in the corner. He cried. He says nothing, he cries. His crying un-comforts my inner child. His crying allows no words but I know its from a visceral memory, something he cant escape but I don’t even wish I could wish I could care.

I just want to move. To always move.

 

 

The Three Shades stand in formation, in pose, holding haggard in their stance their intention to lead. We lead each other. We understand each other. They accompany me and I them and then they are gone, or then I am gone; we are all gone. The Third Mind remains.

 

 

There is a ribbon I walk on, bending in and out of shape, in and out of time. There is a distant pounding, a drum march of war, a steady thunder getting further away and closer, concurrently. These are bodies without bodies all in front of me, all behind, all always moving, all moving together on this ribbon.

 

 

Without it, we are nothing. Without us, it means nothing.



All Previous Instalments Below:: Click On Image

Parts 13 – 15





Parts 10 – 12





Parts 7 – 9





Parts 4 – 6





Parts 1 – 3





Written by Rick Clarke/Illustrations by Andrzej Klimowski





As you may know if you’re a regular follower of The Monolith Cocktail, we’ve been serialising a number of new novels and writings from debut authors over the last two years; beginning with Ayfer Simm‘s Istanbul pyschogeograhy A Rumor In Üsküdar in 2019.  Following on Ayfer’s heels we’re now serialising the Lynchian semi-biographical and incomprehensible jukebox set wanderings of Dan Shea (Bordellos, Vukovar and Beauty Stab infamy) and Rick Clarke’s (bandmate of Shea and rallying beacon of the band Vukovar) new novel The Great Immurement: The previous twelve chapters of which have appeared over the last two months.

We continue with those semi-esoteric imaginings below and bring you next trio of penultimate chapters, ‘Moonlight’, ‘The Silent Surgeon’, and Trial By Fly; illustrated as always by the illustrious Andrzej Klimowski.


MOONLIGHT




And so to the Moon The Great Immured did non-look. He stared and wished. A spectral figure appeared and approached. He told:

 

The symbols have now shattered.

I was free. I probably lived an unremarkable life and probably still do. But the symbols did shatter, and they shattered for me and my Otherlands – the space between spaces.

 

The backstory:

It could be described as a romance. Lunar. A silent romance. We started to notice each other from afar, as these things normally demand have happen. I learned it could’ve been because of the connection between the dripdripdrip of the bloodbloodblood in the absence of Motherhood.

In vials I collected this space between fertility and held it up to the space between day. With a desperate, knowing affection we bathed in each other’s appearance. It became an obsession to the point where I refused to acknowledge its solar non-equivalent – convinced was I that this was an imposter, evil in its way, casting light on things that ought not be lit.

 

When I thought about my moon, I would think about the mechanics and likeliness and consequences of its perforation.

I could grow a penis. I would sharpen the very end into a point with the veil’s blade and gently press it against the tough silvery surface, like against an eardrum, and hold it in a position just before its desecration. My limbs would twitch in a glorious anticipation. I would enjoy that position for a lifetime; neither in life nor crossing the threshold into death. Its skin, a leathery elastic, at peak indentation.

 

I now feel that sickly feeling in the very pit of the stomach whereby I want to do something with all my might but with all my might know I shouldn’t, like holding something fragile and valuable out of a high window, or stepping from the chair with rope-tight-round-neck. Eventually it’s going to drop, by accident or perpetrator’s design.

I press that little bit further forward with grown, sharpened penis and it begins. A warm ooze coming over me, sticky and thick. It’s only a small opening so I drive myself in and out and in and out and in and out again and the scent is of… the feel is of… the sound is of… the taste is of… the sight is of… I can’t speculate on this.

After a few encounters I lost everything there ever was except for my love’s glow. “I am the light” said it, and “The Light Is My Leader” said I; LVX MEA DVX.

 

It got bigger and bigger.

Each previous encounter it was flirting with other things, dancing with the formless smoke and clouds. But I didn’t mind. However, one clear night it had eyes only for me and me alone. That was the night…

I rose, PM. I would soon be feeling the true force of nature. I don’t know much about so-called cosmic forces and I find ridiculous the way people talk about them. But I felt what I felt.

It was the moon, my lover, my king, my queen and all things in between.

I stepped outside into our eternal garden – I didn’t feel the cold.

I looked up and saw the moon, full, in all its glory.

The clouds were moving unusually quickly.

A hole remained in them, connecting me and my love so that its gaze would not stray, connecting us personally, speaking to me.

I finally managed to give myself over almost completely, ignoring the dark symbols surrounding and being formed by clouds, and, after seeing and feeling the earth upon which I stand moving, I shut my eyes. I felt the pull. I didn’t quite leave the ground. Had I tuned in wholly I’m convinced I would have.

I felt totally at peace.

 

The being collapsed into the atmosphere around itself. The Great Immured, briefly, saw the moon’s glow through the thick impenetrable walls of his Immurement and continued with his self-sacrificed placement with few other questions.



THE SILENT SURGEON




The once-partner and now nevermore makes an appearance through a photograph, through mind’s eye, through misunderstood hazy recall.

 

The Lady Of The Otherlands convinced herself she was now too weighty. Too much indulgence and ingestion of filths, she thought, that’s the reason the things of the Otherlands no longer caved into her charms… but that wasn’t true. She had gotten older, her face and body less structured. And the other things she thought of around her were just figments of the ever greying fog that clouded the rooms and ante-chambers of her thoughts and living arrangements.

In her area a very famous surgeon now resided. So celebrated were his soul and hands that he was rewarded with being kept hidden from the outside world. His skills had not been tested thoroughly in a while. He was unable to practise on himself as his infatiguable enthusiasm had rendered his own body almost useless. So when the Lady presented her broken specimen before him, were he able to express his delight, he would’ve done.

 

“I need an operation.”

 

“…”

 

“It’s for my wellbeing, sexually and physically.”

 

“…”

 

“Can you not just slice some off or whatever you do?”

 

“I can pay you.”

 

“Please, no. Medical well being only. None other surgery.”

 

The lady went away knowing what must be done. Flesh must be gone. She would grow flesh that must be cut away, as the uncontrollable growth would be considered harmful to the well being.

It became all in her power to cultivate and farm the little things that become bigger things until the black mass was in charge of itself.

The rumours that the great surgeon had disappeared or moved on were not true. She found him in the same place. His non-movement and non-breathing meant that the Lady had to undergo the operation by her own hand, under the silent guidance of The Silent Surgeon.

A long and not painless time later, the Lady emerged from her desecrated operating table, clutching the carvings against her breast, tightly and darkly. It represented the heaviness of the weight she had successfully lost. She felt attractive once more and spent her time trying to quench her unyielding thirst for all things to be inside her.



TRIAL BY FLY




A strange noise. Familiar but reminiscent of almost nothing at all.

 

The ceilings tall.

The windows tiny and infrequent.
The rooms infinite.
Everywhere would be white but for the flies and the tape – the tape yellowing on white surfaces no longer visible, covered by masses and masses
and masses and masses and masses

And masses and masses and masses

x7

of flies… tiny little things forming the decoration, little black bodies everywhere.

 

The purpose? The purpose…

Experimentation. No. Engineering.

To build a set of wings from their wings but the power and size to fly a thing of this power, of this size.

Shaped angelic like.

To fly!

No other material is so abundant. No other material is so suitable.

It’s all about appropriation.

Or re-appropriation.

The collecting of flies has taken a long while. But that isn’t something to notice. The ideation is nearly intention.

The process is what it is. Every piece of tape needs to be checked for the newly-captured-still-winged.

A snip and a slice later and the wings to a new place have grown. Heavenly is the warmth of pride and promise of completion. Satisfying is the rip and parting of torn wing from now-torn body.

 

                                            X                            X                         X

 

Only one more set is needed.

A furious search is conducted; hectics, urgent; all previous patience dissipated for this search for new patients. This search feels an eternal thing.

                                           X                           X                       X

 

But now the search is over. A winged fiend. No, a winged friend… is splay on its front, spatchcock, given itself to the triumph of the will.

This last one is to be s.a.v.o.u.r.e.d and savioured.

A martyr for O murta.

Thumb and forefinger are positioned and the operation is begun.

But a quiver.

A quiver?

A quiver and a noise. A tiny noise.

A quiver and a scream?

No.

Pain? Torture?

Everywhere around in this impossible place… flies flies flies… destroyed.

Oceans of it.

Suddenly, very suddenly, it all becomes noticeable at once. A cacophony of minuscule screams rises until the brains feel as though swelling to burst.

There is no repentance that can be done, only a gesture.

 

                                               X                    X                     X

A collection of still-winged flies are manically sought, freed and message conveyed.

The wings of sin are now finished.

This product of despicable engineering and this engineer of despicable engineering are now let loose.

The Otherlands and the sensation of flying is a total peace, a total manifestation of ambient.

                                                X                    X                    X

Flies form a convoy.

They know their seeker of forgiveness will follow wilfully, and follows just so into the nest of exaltation.

The once angelic-wings are torn from flesh, from grace, and taken apart.

 

The body follows soon after.




Previous instalments:

Parts 1 – 3

Parts 4 – 6

Parts 7 – 9

Parts 10- 12


Fiction/Selection/Dan Shea






The Monolith Cocktail has coaxed a number of guest spot contributions from the impassioned and adroit musician/writer Dan Shea. Roped into his family’s lo fi cult music business, The Bordellos, from a young age, the candid but humble maverick has gone onto instigate the chthonian Vukovar (currently working through a trio of ‘greatest hits’ packages here) and, with one part of that ever-shambling post-punk troupe, musical foil Buddy Preston, the seedy bedsit synth romantics Beauty Stab (who’ve just this week released their second single ‘French Film Embrace’, here)

An exceptional talent (steady…this is becoming increasingly gushing) both in composing and songwriting, the multi-instrumentalist and singer is also a dab hand at writing. For his debut, Dan shared a grand personal ‘fangirl’ purview of major crush, the late Rowland S. Howard (which can be found here), on the eve of Mute Records appraisal style celebration reissue of his highly influential cult albums ‘Teenage Snuff Film’ and ‘Pop Crimes’. This was followed by an often difficult, unsettling, potted with dark comedy, read on Dan’s friend and foil Simon Morris (of the Ceramic Hobs infamy; the piece can be read here), who took his own life last year.

Now, from his lockdown quarantine, Dan has been providing us with a weekly series of ‘imaginary film screening jukebox’ selections come loose horror and increasingly unfathomable Lynchian, cloaked autobiographical, fictions.



#5

Xiu Xiu – The Wrong Thing

 

Ronnie was dead to begin with.

I dunno if it was years or days or weeks between the resurrection and her disappearing into the plug hole. Truth be told I remember it being a bath and I may have had one for a while but I don’t know. I just know that me and Gretchen always look into the drain in case she catches us at it. That’s also why I stand G over the drain: so R could peer straight up and maybe consider that I was right and that heterosexuality is just a lie.

“It’s just a lie she tells to her friends”

I move then she moves. An electric purple shuffle stains my eyes and fingers. I told her the Back To The Future nonce joke. She told me the only crowd I’d ever attract was flies.

I told her about the yellow dog then we discussed whether or not dogs could be blonde. This woman will make me a better human being even if I’m not sure that she exists and the feeling is mutual. I don’t want to chance putting Lynch films on around her. Xiu Xiu is close to the bone enough given the connections.

“(My name redacted)”

“Yeah Gerst?”

“Do you remember the princess who lived on the hill? Who loved you even when she knew you were wrong?”

I take her hand and look into her eyes but they’ve gone and she is looking back at me with my eyes. I hate it when this happen. I attempt to stick my fingers through my eyes into my brain to change the channel. She prevents me from doing so with an offhand murmur of “fuck’s sake”.

Performative support aside no one is “always there for you”. It’s a truth that should be more widely spoken. Sleep, death and things more important than my whining will always take precedence. I get it. And it’s a two way street, obviously. I can’t possibly always be there for you. I can try but it’s unlikely in the extreme. Even if I could, would you actually want that?



Tindersticks – A Night In

“I know you’re hurting, and I can’t be there for you”.

She lies her almost translucent head on my lap and asks me about the parts of that film she can’t see that keep sluicing into my brain. The kindness of her smile makes me feel less sick than usual. I feel instant nostalgia for this moment knowing that it will rush through our minds when one devours the other that final time while still admiring the Other’s beauty.

I tell her it as it unfolds with no forethought. How the film troubled me when he found a tape in a fridge abandoned behind his flat. Well, he’s American (albeit of Polish extraction) so he said apartment. But whatever the point was it stands. The girlfriend was then insistent that he transcribe what was on the tape.

He did in this long florid monologue that contained a lot of songs that meant a lot to him and his girlfriend. Then turned over the content of the words between the songs to Ellroy Steers. The guy who did himself in in the movie and bled on my fucking carpet. Lucky it’s a red carpet.

“Hey Tom this is just a voicemail I’m leaving so I can ask for your number so I can phone you. It’s important. It’s about the factory, and what’s left.”

That was the first entry on the tape and it’s the same in the Pulaski movie strangely. It’s the same voice: maybe it’s a prank call using a soundboard. Maybe whoever made it on the tape liked the film so used it as an intro. Maybe they related to this film as much as I do. Who can say?

I despair at the fact I can’t get Riesling from the corner shop anymore.



Cindytalk – Circle of Shit

 

“So many people are too loud. Needlessly so. Over enthusiastic about the fact they’ve remained unmurdered another day. Servile, simpering, unthinking and incapable of thinking beyond that which is in the interests of their “betters” who make in a week what we do in ten years. Every workplace I’ve had the misfortune of exchanging my precious time for money in its been the same. People who create nothing, produce nothing, and consume a steady diet of nothing. Surrounded with them. Substitute one for another and who would even know or care?”

I’m listening to goth records and drinking in the shower again as I spew this pointless angry screed into the plug hole. I’ve not even turned the water on: why pretend it’s about cleanliness? If you’ve been the places I’ve been you know you’ll never be clean again. Trust me, I’ve been places you wouldn’t shit.

Dylan had been locked in that bathroom for a long time but time has ceased to have any meaning. It was a strange thing. He had no need to eat or drink. Not that there was anything to drink: you turn the tap and all you’d get is shadows. Outside the window BLACKSHEETSOFNIGHT BLACKSHEETSOFNIGHT BLACKSHEETSOFNIGHT BLACKSHEETSOFNIGHT. I break the glass til I bleed shadow. The darkness seeps into the bathroom and I am drowned in black milk, briefly comforting me with its reminders of her velvet void.

Tried to drown himself in the bath and woke up again on the floor, as if it matters anymore. Tried to drown himself in the toilet and woke up back in place. Tried to hang himself with his belt and woke up in the same place. Downstairs the mask on the wall kept screaming and he screamed along with it. Smashed his face through the window bleeding shadow into BLACKSHEETSOFNIGHT BLACKSHEETSOFNIGHT BLACKSHEETSOFNIGHT BLACKSHEETSOFNIGHT.

The mask was a gift from Farrow for the work he’d done on Thomas Communication. Strange gnarled smile that out of the corner of his eye he noticed twitched when he didn’t think it was looking. How long need I wait for my angel? Every second yawns open for her prize. The apple I stole rotted before my eyes. I blink and I see a dignified old man with his hands folded. I smell disinfectant and the familiar stabbing pain returns in my very core.

The only way to soothe this pain is to use a vibrator: I never put it in fully just let the pulse soothe and numb til I no longer feel him inside me. But as I do this, lay on my mattress with my eyes closed I can’t but help think of Dylan stuck there. And I’m ashamed of the physical response the thought of him produces.

“If I cum thinking of a dead boy is it necrophilia?”

My art is bleeding into my surroundings again. Muttered obscenities under my breath. Thinking of that smug balding prematurely midlife faggot and his simpering entreaties to open my legs. Of the coke fuelled unpleasantness with the mole woman. Of that evening I lost my favourite jacket. I lost two notebooks, my favourite jacket and a sleeveless t shirt. Cunt.



Ceramic Hello – Binary

 

How about this one? You’ve not heard it before. I’m so jealous that you get to experience this for the first time! Such a beautiful song. My romantic ideal to both listen to minimal wave records with a headphone splitter. In a stupor in a hotel room somewhere. Eating pastrami sandwiches, naked in bed as a mute TV shows the end of a documentary on railways. We will put the sound on when the Bowie doc comes on and I’ll bore you, G, when I won’t stop going on about his cheekbones.

L showed up and was magnetic as usual. One of the few people who just the appearance of makes me a bit happier. I keep having dreams where I’m pregnant somehow and she’s delivering my baby. Well I say it’s a baby. She is kind enough to always look amused by my prematurely senile rambling but I get the feeling she’s worried I may try to kidnap her at some point. Lunch with her and the swastika girl.

I brought up the ritual to her and she ushered me out into the smoking area where we sat nursing pints of Cwtch. Inside the bar a live Van Halen drum solo played: the place was really going downhill since it changed management. The bar staff were sartorially disappointing. We talked about this for a bit and I again mentioned my enjoyment of her Jessica Fletcher t shirt then we returned to discussing the ritual.

“So Dan what did you do in this ritual? This is all very vague. Reminds me of the story about you drinking two bottles of white wine, staring into a scrying mirror and the woman from some 80s goth band showing up in your living room.”

“You know full well that happened you came round to check I wasn’t lying”

“It sounds like you got pissed and took the wrong dosage of your meds, which you shouldn’t be drinking anywhere near the amount you do with, then started having hallucinations again. It’s like when you shaved all your hair off, kept it in a box and then covered every reflective surface.”

I described what happened, the bloated foetal figure that raped my mind forcing me to submit to the ritual. The floor of flesh criss-crossed with veins. And other things around the same time. The hairless inside-out dogs that prowled outside in my back yard when they thought no one was looking. The swollen faced children that I saw washing Carter’s car. And how I had no choice but to lose her again down the plug hole.

She sat watching me explain this with a curious expression. Sphinx like. Then she calmly unbuttoned my shirt, put her cigarette out on my chest and kissed me harsh as barbed wire. Told me I’d kill for her and I agreed. A kiss that drew blood. She forced me to kneel under the table, twisted her fingers round my hair and then right then and there I ate her out in the cold sea air.

That didn’t happen. I wish it did. A crazed public sexual encounter would have been far less troubling. The curious expression part was true. She leaned in close:

“When did we first meet?”

“When I moved here two years ago. I walked into this bar because Lou Reed was playing.”

“No. It was in the snow. You lay your head in my lap and you bled to death. When you mentioned Carter then”

A pause.

“It took me back to that classroom. 2008. Do you remember?”

“You tell me, Ariel”

“In that reality the holes opened wider than ever in the sky. You lay with what was left of your head in my lap, bleeding. I kissed what was left of your face then blackness. We began again.”

I draw a line under the rest of that evening. Even as naked as I leave myself writing this there are some secrets need to be kept.

That Ceramic Hello track isn’t on the CD reissue copy I’ve got, annoyingly.



Psychic TV – The Orchids

 

Her winter kiss won’t leave my skin.

4

1

5

Don’t come home with that smell on your breath. Don’t beat your head over and over into walls out of self loathing. Don’t blame me for your sickness. I’m ill too. I’ll always be there for you as the unbearable closeness becomes a prison limbo as desire is gone.

Her winter kiss imprinted bruise. Monochrome preferably a room almost empty. We turn the volume up. Double knot, double cross. I’ll show you loss.

The smell of incense in the air the smell of her on my finger tips. I pull back the curtain and I see him there. Carter. A swollen, red faced man. In beige slacks and a blue shirt, buttons strained by his fat hairy stomach. Look I need you to see him in your mind’s eye. Slip ons. Grey thinning hair, strands falling onto that baboon face. He “speaks” in bestial groans, grunts splatter the world. The bruise faced kids in their underwear cleaning his car, til he smacks one of them and they all file back into his house.

I think of what he was in the Other World and what he is in this one two and know what I need to do. This is an important decision I do not make lightly. Please don’t understand me too quickly.

I confided my intentions in her but I did it silently and I cannot be sure she knows what I mean. This is a common issue.

3

4

3

 

30

-24

4

L/G slides into view. Her winter kiss won’t leave my breath.

“Dan?”

“Yeah.”

“The world is growing louder”

She saw the holes widen in the sky. She knew all that had happened. Once I broke the barrier of her resistance she believed me about the ritual. Something is happening here. Something new. Her name meanders through the echoes of mine. She’s seen the movie, you know? She’s seen it.



Fleetwood Mac – Gypsy

 

“SHOUTING. I was. In the street. I had no idea what was going on. I went to the Conti for a beer and it was shut. At 2 in the afternoon on a Saturday, I ask you. I mean last time I went there I did get my dick out and have a widdle on Hugh Cornwell but my shoddy behaviour is no reason to punish everyone else”

G/L laughed.

“Is that a woman laughing? You could’ve told me. I shouldn’t be on speaker phone with a young lady present. I’ve no trousers on! It’s not right!”

She laughed so much that if I really studied her I could see individual muscles contract. I did and I did yeah She is saving my life.

“So I checked at the Ferret as well. Beer Snob Billy told me they had Cwtch on and the jukebox is pretty good. It’s a digital bitch, you can have Nina Simone or Skullflower on. All sorts of loud penis music like your band. That was shut as well so I went home. Then I looked at my neighbours doorstep paper. There’s this disease that makes people act like poofs and not leave their house.”

 

LIGHTNING STRIKES MAYBE ONCE MAYBE TWICE.

I told Mad ‘Mad’ Tony about the ritual and he told me about his latest imaginary girlfriend. He said he was going to have an imaginary affair with Gersten. He told me he’d have an imaginary threesome with us then I could hear him raising his eyebrows as he dropped his burner phone in the bath.

“One day we need to meet Mad Tony then go to Lonely People. You can do your Gordon Cole voice and yell at people pretending to be a tourist.”

She did that “expectant canine” expression American women do at you and then smiled, half her face first then the other half warming up when I laughed and told her how cute it was. Bless her she always looks confused. I wish I was an American. An American woman in particular. Everything’s new to them. Showing a Yorkshire pudding to an American woman is the most fun you can have legally.

A middle class family sat in their dining room talking in hushed tones of the horrific injuries the survivors had sustained. Talk of fissures and gaping, horrific injuries. Fog is slowly filling the dining room. A Duke Ellington record plays but the needle is stuck so it sounds like NON. They don’t seem to notice the noise or fog. They prattle on in stilted RP tones about how awful the whole thing was but they can’t stop talking about it, cunts.

G wakes me up.

“Carter. You know what you have to do don’t you?”

I have to pause as it’s a big decision. But if this is what is necessary to keep Louise/Ronnie/Gersten then I’ll do it. Fuck it. I’ll do it twice. While she watches. Then we’ll go home, still a bit bloodied, and watch a rerun of a mid 80s Top of the Pops in her bed. Just another hit and run.

“Do you want to be there when it happens?”

Her eyes go full circle and her grip on me tightens. Every breath a silent movie heroine. Trust me enough to deem me translucid. Your eyes widen and I’m snagged in your leopard print and wide eyed enthusiasm. I can’t face watching you disappear.



Tom Waits – Alice

 

I told her about the dreams where I’m pregnant and she asked was it with her genius or what? Reality moves faster than experimental fiction. Sometimes slower but if you know you know.

Suddenly I feel the pain pulsing in my head as I lay my head in Ariel’s lap. The blood gushing rushyrushrushyrush from my wound as the CRISP CLEAR snow falls. She strokes my remains before the moment of calcification. She tells me I did the right thing and I’ll do it again. I flash forward to her drinking a gin sour in leopard print before Ritual Night.

Addiction is the anus of art.

Death is the absence of work.

L pegs me in my living room. Whispering in my ear “he has to go”. She puts cigarettes out on my nipples when the moon talks. She refills my glass. When we’re out of booze she pisses on me, as delightful as ever. I yawn for her prize.

Shambling unshaven neurotic wreck. But she sees something in me.

Burn me again and again.

The sun spills over her in all her eye popping enthusiasm. I normally hate this but I’m being suckered in. Has she seen what I have? I believe she has. I believe she has. The dogs pace rotting back and forth. She’ll stroke them. Til Carter is gone and, presumably, they disappear. Then we will harness the frozen moon til delirium kills me.

I crawl through the passages under Dylan’s home. I bleed shadows into insignificant interior. No one and nothing is unforgettable.

Sometimes in my mind’s eye she is cowering and shivering at the sounds I pull from her. Inciting silence, compassionate construction. Nothing is granted my Mermaid but my submission. Crash in and take over my life. Let’s do this.

Previously 

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four



Written by Rick Clarke/Illustrations by Andrzej Klimowski




As you may know if you’re a regular follower of The Monolith Cocktail, we’ve been serializing a number of new novels and writings from debut authors over the last two years; beginning with Ayfer Simm‘s Istanbul pyschogreograhy A Rumor In Üsküdar in 2019.  Following on Ayfer’s heels we’re now serializing the Lynchian semi-biographical and incomprehensible jukebox set wanderings of Dan Shea (Bordellos, Vukovar and Beauty Stab infamy) and Rick Clarke’s (bandmate of Shea and rallying beacon of the band Vukovar) new novel The Great Immurement: The previous nine chapters of which appeared last month in July and early August. We continue with those semi-esoteric imaginings below and bring you next trio of NSFW chapters, The Door To A Broken World’, The Lost Sheep’, ‘Absorbing Genius’; illustrated as always by the illustrious Andrzej Klimowski.


THE DOOR TO A BROKEN WORLD

 

A knock upon the door? Answer it. No. No I can’t be doing that. I can’t be letting the outside mix with the inside. What if it’s important? It can’t be that important. But you don’t know that. I do. No you don’t, it could be an emergency. From the tip of my head to my furry cunthole, and then down again to the floor-space, I know it isn’t that important, and besides, if it were so bad, they’d knock down the door and come in unasked and uninvited.

I shrink away and slink away from the door, happy that my fetid home-place remains without contamination. The aromas have become so that I struggle to tell apart my groin-scent, my sweat scent and any and every-scent else. And I like it that way. To not be able to differentiate between filths; rot, body, mould, waste is to be clean. Everything is equal, everything is one, everything is cleanliness, everything is godliness.

 

I have earned my divine right. My divine right is to be allowed to remain with my divine right, earning my divine right and forever may it remain that way, to be able to enjoy my divine right.

 

Eat. But what shall I have? Shave a little flesh from the bottom of your foot. I’m afraid. Afraid?Afraid of disappearing, not of the pain, that doesn’t even come into it. Once you eat it and digest it, it’ll return back to its rightful place. That’s how it works, you are your food, this is the joy of being a person. I don’t know, I’m unsure. I look at the rest of me and see bumps and ditches where my flesh has left me forever. I told you about the dangers of not ingesting your egest. Sometimes I’m not hungry. Then you will disappear, death to cowards! Alright.

I acquire a cutting instrument of some description. It probably isn’t a grater. But it’s dyed a dried blood- brown and it’s still just about sharp enough. I hack it into my lower heel and there it stays for a second, wedged. There is no blood and there doesn’t need to be. I wriggle the cutting steel up and down a touch to get a hold, but I do it too enthusiastically and it comes out. Without touching, I can feel the separation between the two kingdoms of dried up skin and sinew, and I can feel the flap-flapping of half-island that’s trying to escape into a full republic; the grotesque ridge of discontent.

 

Eventually I have my meal and then I stand in a space and wait there. My body shuts down – I don’t need it.

 

I think for a while. I think of well dressed ladies looking at their twat in a hand mirror, sitting in a carriage on a train. Maybe they’ll masturbate. I look down at my own naked body and my own dirtied breasts and my own dirtied twat but there is no stimulation. The filth is ingrained deep into my skin.

 

My mind shuts down – I don’t need it.

 

A knock – a THUD – at the door. I mustn’t answer it but I mustn’t not watch the door from the hall in case I miss anything. This is all very strange. I don’t know how to deal with it all. I just stand, swaying on the spot in an alien attempt to balance a new imbalance, constantly trying to right my wavering stance.

I know something is going to happen.
I know something is going to happen.
I know something is going to happen.
I KNOW SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN.
I KNOW SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN.

 

I don’t know what.

 

I find out what.

 

A beam of light forces itself through a new rectangular hole in the door; it blinds me. It blinds my precious muck and stink, each being reintroduced to each other in this evil half-light, the second impressions being made are those of repulse and repugnancy.

The light vanishes as quickly as it appears, only it doesn’t feel like it, and in with it comes something… else. It lands on the floor like an intruding leaf, so light that it skims across the floor surface first before coming to a dead halt.

I sneak my way to the shape lying, unmoving on my floor. I keep my distance though. Pick it up. I don’t think being so cavalier is wise. How else will you find out what it is?

 

Now here I kneel, paying respect to the shrine I did construct for the paper-shape. The grime around me doesn’t seem so sterile now, and I feel uncomfortable being stuck under the weight of the heavy air that is all around me.

The paper is my new life and I’m now curious as to its source and how it came to be with me. I wonder what that second contains, that second of light. I wonder what’s inside it. It must be something tangible or it couldn’t appear in my eyes. Is it a place? I want to know more.

 

I forget my allegiance to dirt. I want to go where the light goes. I think about it every time my body and brain isn’t off. How do I do it? It’s a mystery and it makes my skin crawl with anger. My forearms open and bleed. Still I kneel at the shrine, at all times.

A KNOCK UPON THE DOOR. I run. At the door, I speak and the figure speaks back. He will wait there. He opens the letterbox and the light comes in once more, only for this time, it’s there for longer. I bask in it, eyes close and arms open. My legs weaken. I touch between my thighs and bring my sex to my nose and my mouth. I have to go, I have to get into the hole of my new joy.

I persuade the figure to help me; he doesn’t want to but I use my persuasion and I convince him.

 

I hear machinery.

 

A piece of string comes through the letterbox. I tie it around my waist, very high so that it cuts into me. I stand with my front to the door.

 

I hear machinery, I hear it grind.

I hear machinery and the string pulls me up against the door. Its strength and vigour cause me to acquiesce happily and I smirk with my mouth.

It keeps pulling and pulling and grinding away. It wants me so badly to come into the light, into the

better-place but it seems to be difficult. I’m against the letterbox but my shape isn’t right and my shape is too big. The string is cutting me until it cuts to the bone where I can feel it finally get a grip after scraping a little. I rub my clitoris on the splintered wood of the door and tingle.

 

It’s pulling more.

 

I snap.

 

I now look at the ceiling with my heels as a headrest. I vomit up some stomach acid all over my front, uncontrollable and done so as a subconscious expression of my cathartic experience; the act of the vomit is almost an ejaculation, forced outside of my mouth upon seeing my pubis completely broken. The shattering means my vagina is now split up to my belly button and up to my coccyx on the other wise and I imagine how much pleasure this means I can have when I get to the light outside. The top of my leg bones have found a new home no longer inside their homes of blood, sinew and skin. I’m sure I can smell the exposed bone and cartilage of my hip. It’s like a damp towel, left on the bathroom floor for too long. Yes, that’s it. I start to think about my new way of walking in my new home. I picture the comical sight and snigger; at least I will make others laugh, I will surely make lots of friends. I keep being pulled in a regular rhythm. Pull, pull, pull, pause on an infinite repeat. It’s a little too forceful but I take it with a good nature – maybe the machinery is eager to see me.

 

My broken midriff is now in the light-land. I get a pang of jealousy that it’s out before me but I let it pass as I won’t be long after it.

The light gets more intense. I’m so close.

I get down to my breasts, but combined with my knees, I can’t fit. I dig my nails furiously into the join between my breast and upper stomach and it creates tears. After the pause, the machine pulls again and my breasts are torn off from the base and, hanging on by a bloody hinge, they come back nipple-down on my shoulders.

 

I’m almost out, the light almost bleaches my whole vision.

 

I’m out.

 

I’m in the light.



THE LOST SHEEP

 

Who is the one who is living him now? Keep themselves to yourself.

 

I am a little lost sheep says I – this is violent. I can’t find my way back home. I have lost the trail that I put down myself, for myself, for myself to reach the beginning of the path I started down.

Everything moves itself around here. My shepherd cannot see me and equally so, I cannot see him. My shepherd is my Father is my teacher is my lover is my victim is (sometimes) my own self. Nothing stays the same.

I’m so tired – this is violent. Things are split in half in an almost automatic way; a production line of symmetrical brutality. In the village, where doggers unrelenting and unrepent, I found a peephole of sorts in an old moss covered, discarded length of timber around the back of a row of garages, which belong to the block of flats that then-existed, now-don’t (moved to the Inner Otherlands.)

 

The peephole showed me my home… but only sometimes. I couldn’t see the way back, though.

Also through the peephole stood another lost sheep just like me. It tried to play to my sympathy… I watched as it did creepeth… crept… creeped… it did creepers in an insectly way, out of sympathy and into repugnance. I took breaks between my peeping so as not to lose myself completely.

I saw many things and many things repeated. In my breaks, I took to keeping food/warmth/shelter with a handsome man who appeared – but not to himself – to be the King Of The Strangers.

The handsome man only appeared in sight as a visual aura, descriptions could follow the course of a tumoural warning; a prelude to death, or at the very least, a distortion of the living, such was the visual aura. I was not his most recent freedman but more like a friend or companion.

(He nursed me back to health as it wasn’t my time. He insisted the old piece of timber – peephole and all – were for the temptations of another and not for me. I was a lost soul, not a dead one.)

I am the little lost sheep, says I. I stand and I watch and I wait for my shepherd so I can bleat myself back to his loving protection – this is violent.

 

And now The Great Immured recalls:

Experience the world as I experience the world.
I thought it was of importance, of significance,
That thinking what I thought and existing as I exist held coherence.
But now I see it’s ridiculous and I’m ashamed.
Every thought I have dissolves to nothing.

So exist as I exist.
Cunts splay open like wildflowers
And the scent of their labian spring
But no colour
The moistening into grey mist with pleasure, but no feeling.

Man made stones dance,
Casting shadows as intangible monoliths
In permanent winters that bleach the vision into delusions.

Accidental opiates rise from black puddles
Rise in flesh from inherent coldness.
Exist as I exist.

I am the little lost sheep says I
And my shepherd is fucking;
Fucking bodies into bodies
And surroundings into nothing,
All decayed and barren.
My rose of blood
But I still don’t know who sends them.
Exist as I exist.
So that I don’t have to let slip
Meaningless words from my mouth
Or act-out affection,
So the fucking is automatic
And the emptiness is shared,
That ruins stay ruined and don’t have to be sold.

Exist as I exist.

Now the symbols wilt
And all the lies can be true.
Mothers mothering without the cruelty
Their clouds loom
And skin melting skin.
Exist as I exist.
All the secrets align.
A witness to the feeding of the fool
Bone crushing bone
From the spool hangs limp
All that should.

Exist as I exist.

Sacrifice yourself on the altar of my glory.

Exist as I exist.

 

This is what is through the peephole, this is the figure you are and you aren’t.



ABSORBING GENIUS

The holes are funnels, channeling the strength of the creamy-white concentrated genius that is propelled out in their moment of weakness. Foolish to let go of essence of greatness, whether willingly or not. SEMEN EFFUNDIS VENENUM EST…

 

Wise are those who catch this purity in their canals, crafted by a theft’s ingenuity. It sticks to the sides of these canals, growing and pulsing, forming new layers over lost ones. Old, tired, retarded membranes now replaced by the immortal. Sometimes the giver gives through sacrifice. Sometimes pity. Mostly wilful ignorance borne to simple, ill-disciplined pleasure.

 

This interlocking and outerlocking circle and cycle can only come to those who acknowledge it, even if the forfeiter forfeits without having to have the knowledge. And so the internal bukake is knowledge, and knowledge is power, and power is all.



Author: Rick Clarke
Illustrations: Andrzej Klimowski



Parts 1 – 3

Parts 4 – 6

Parts 7 – 9

Fictions/Selection/Dan Shea





The Monolith Cocktail has coaxed a number of guest spot contributions from the impassioned and adroit musician/writer Dan Shea during the year. Roped into his family’s lo fi cult music business, The Bordellos, from a young age, the candid but humble maverick has gone onto instigate the chthonian Vukovar (currently working through a trio of ‘greatest hits’ packages here) and, with one part of that ever-shambling post-punk troupe, musical foil Buddy Preston, the seedy bedsit synth romantics Beauty Stab (who’ve just this week released their second single ‘French Film Embrace’, here)

An exceptional talent (steady…this is becoming increasingly gushing) both in composing and songwriting, the multi-instrumentalist and singer is also a dab hand at writing. For his debut, Dan shared a grand personal ‘fangirl’ purview of major crush, the late Rowland S. Howard (which can be found here), on the eve of Mute Records appraisal style celebration reissue of his highly influential cult albums ‘Teenage Snuff Film’ and ‘Pop Crimes’. This was followed by an often difficult, unsettling, potted with dark comedy, read on Dan’s friend and foil Simon Morris (of the Ceramic Hobs infamy; the piece can be read here), who took his own life last year.

Now, from his lockdown quarantine, Dan has been providing us with a weekly series of ‘imaginary film screening jukebox’ selections come loose horror and increasingly unfathomable Lynchian, cloaked autobiographical, fictions.



PJ Harvey – To Bring You My Love

 

I often wish I was PJ Harvey. Less now than when I was a teenager but every time I play this album I find myself wondering what it must be like to exist as that androgynous thug femme fatale archetype. Could any man, woman or anyone else resist me if I could step into that role? This Southern Gothic fog clotted with lust that spills out of my speakers. 

 

I played it to Ronnie and she looked back at me blankly, a dog being taught a card trick. This was the first time she was alive. That mask of canine indifference infuriated me. This was the beginning of the cracks forming in our relationship.

 

I played it to Gretchen, sorry, Gersten. We danced in monochrome around the living room. Very slowly. I remembered just now. She’s not been in touch so I have to put matches out on myself. It’s not as satisfying a burn as cigarettes but I’m not buying cigarettes just to put out on myself. That’s a step too far.

 

“You know he’s gonna be here”

 

The voice cracks and strains. I close my eyes and imagine a mountain range. She atop it, undulating. She could cause an avalanche.

 

Selfish, Little folds her hands and the world disappears. She yawns in slow motion and lullaby chimes hang all around us. I bat away the weaponised nostalgia the monkey in my back clawing at my veins. 

 

Endless futile arguments, drunkenness on trains.

 

The holes in the sky and the holes in my arms bleed out imagined futures but our bodies always lie.

 

The world was growing too loud for us. We had to escape into our record collections and the books we swapped between each other like holy texts. On a rainy afternoon, March 7PM, the world was ours.

 

Bring you my love”

 

I dreamt of Simon last night. I was on my way to a fetish shoot in Brighton. I stopped in a pub in London and sat down with a pint of something dark and fruity (like me, hohoho) when he came over and nudged me, getting in my face in that way of his.

 

“Fancy seeing you here”

 

Tears pricked Dan’s eyes in the dream as he pointed out that Simon was dead. Simon offered a characteristically long winded and nonsensical explanation before bringing us over another drink. We had a few, chatting about the future of some band he’d been working with called Vukovar.

 

Oh yeah I know the singer too Simon

 

We also talked about Kate McCann’s book among other things. He gave one of his reading lists then said “I’ve got a short cut to where you’re going follow me!”. So we walked out the back of the pub down an alleyway and stepped into the back garden of the woman I’d intended to meet. I turned around to thank him and he was gone.

 

It’s another one of those dreams I prefer to my waking life. 

 

6

2

1



HTRK – Rent Boy

 

An overhead shot of us, a rotating ceiling fan pan. My hallway, you should see it.

 

She’s next to me, head slumped on my shoulder. She sees only static but I’m watching the movie I told you about it even with my eyes open. She encourages me to dream with my eyes open. Saviour. Supplanter. Your film noir heroine, cock sucking seraphim. 

 

Ellroy Steers was a good man. He’d worked for the Farrow corporation since school and had worked his way up in this Kafka-esque organisation to be head of pencil sharpening.

 

Pulaski told him about the incident. He’d found a cassette tape in a fridge in the alley behind his flat. He would transcribe the contents for Ellroy to feed back to Farrow.

 

A strange look of fear came over the older man’s face. He expressed an interest in having the contents delivered as soon as possible. He knew what was on the mixtape but he never let on. I couldn’t place the actor playing him but he looked an awful lot like Harry Dean Stanton. The same soulful crags in his hangdog face.

 

As soon as Pulaski left, Steers placed a pencil up each nostril and head butted the desk. It was to send a signal to Pulaski not to mess with forces he didn’t understand. The holes in the sky grew wider above a canine population and no one stirred at all.

 

Even though she couldn’t see the action onscreen G was enthralled. Damn, I’m a lucky man. I swear I REDACTED SUPPLANTER could give the whole thing up for her.

 

pause the film and kiss her, the blood rushing in my veins. Like our lips were molten. My hands in hers. I want there to be tenderness in this. Not like it is with our clients or when we have an audience. My lips and tongue trace a map of desire over her milk white skin. I whisper my name into the depths of her. This is golden, this is molten. I want to melt into her.

 

It’s always going to be a little sordid. Do I want to be her or do I want to fuck her? It’s both as it is, for me, with most women. I want to purge myself of some of my toxic masculinity, but I feel every time we collide I sap some of their beauty from them. Their minds contain many rooms and I paint as many of them as I can. As Ellroy’s blood spills out of my TV and pools on the carpet I am whole.

 

I was telling you about the ritual last week, wasn’t I? Well to be exact that I don’t remember it. Just the whole incident when I was walking walking walking naked through a nightmare. Well I awoke in an invisible pool outside the HACK DOOR. Muddy fingerprints on the handle and a peculiar ashen scent. I turned and stepped in and there she was, sat in the living room. The prized forsaken angelangel returns.



Brian Eno – Sparrowfall

 

R was sat peacefully gazing at the switched off TV with a blank expression I read as a smile. No definition I can find

 

“But you’re dead. I’d dreamed of this. Are my dreams becoming my life? Did I succeed when I last tried? There must be more to that than this.”

 

She looked back at me. That same blank look that used to drive me nuts. I missed it. I gathered her up in my arms and held her to my somehow still beating heart and begged her never to die again. At least not until I had. I cried and cried a whole ghost. I missed her more than I understood and now she was back. I didn’t see the sense in her leaving the first time around and for her to return was more than any mortal mind could bear. 

 

But then I looked at her and took in the dim light in her eyes like the light from distant ships. She smelled of ash, coagulant phlegm from eyes that may be my own, and stank of the second hand regret seeping from her pores. Towards the end how I’d resented her weakness.

 

She was my super hero. She had saved my life many times over. Held my hair when I was throwing up, soothed the knife point pain and helped remove the sting of the abuse I’d suffered. I hated her for needing help when she was the one I always turned to. I had nowhere else to turn.

 

“I can’t control these feelings if I tried”

 

My hand formed a fist in her hair. Her voice pure blurred sound. I think she said it yeah yeah yeah but how could you even tell the fucking difference? She just looked back at me not fully comprehending. But how I’d missed that body. No flesh but hers. No flesh but hers. Viva la muerte. 

 

She could never respond properly, the dumb pony soldier. When she was alive it was apathy. Now it was a mute acquiescence but I’d made a vow. When I said til death do us part I’d meant mine not hers. Why else after she went a second time do you think I went after another woman who looked exactly like her?

 

The lullaby chimes spill from my unvarnished marble heart, out of the holes ever widening. They pulsate convey fluid through the infant city. Blood will wash blood away. Gemma, baby, how did we fall so far? The lack revealed is what gets me going. The humiliation of the aggressor, splayed open, begetting the dull rhythmic thud of masturbation. 

 

“She would do something like this”

 

A colonialist simper. One finger in his mouth the other finger circling his nipple. Halting middle class closet case tones as he tells his beard wife all about the new breakthrough in the next quarter, that’s, like, rilly rilly good as I fantasise about garrotting him and sending a picture of his corpse to the idiot kids he spawned. I picture a piss stain spreading across his expensive beige slacks. Blood money. 

 

“She would do something like this”

 

Where being rich and white is a license to go and fuck kids overseas. In the evening you all bathed each other’s kids. Your letter was only the start of it. One letter and now you’re a part of it. To the pure all things are pure. Images scroll through your head of the perfect little paper stitch twat torn apart.

 

You would say that about your own daughter you pig you waste you whore yawning for your price.  

 

I hope come the revolution someone eats your stupid fucking useless eyes out of your “living” face while you’re still defending white supremacists and transphobes “valid concerns”. I hope your husband chokes on the dick of the next Grindr hookup behind your back and is deposited neatly on a dark street, just another hit and run. A punch in the face that smashed through to the other side, sculpting the play dough form into another vignette of my toxic masculinity. I’m ashamed of being ashamed. 

 

Sha la la la man. Why don’t you slip away?



Rosie & The Originals – Angel Baby

 

30 years old her first hangover. I introduce her to the concept of the hair of the dog over a fancy veggie breakfast in Manchester. For once she’s drinking and I’m not. I’m a bad influence on this girl as she is to me: but she only got me into different strands of BDSM and ambient music and I’ve got her into something that rots your liver. I feel like I don’t deserve her but I feel that way about women most of the time. Men on the other hand – scum. I’m such a homophobe that I have in the past subjected gay men to the torment of being in a relationship with me.

 

Note – bisexual erasure is not just a neat phrase to describe the way bi people are treated but to describe the band Erasure. 

 

Angel Baby is one of those solid gold pop records you can play on a loop and weep to with what is neither joy nor sorrow. It takes me to that diner on Ronnie’s 30th. The quiet booth in the corner where she’d tenderly take my hand and reassure me as the world kept growing louder. The concept of having fries with breakfast seeming impossibly decadent to my provincial Northern mind. The record wasn’t playing in the memory but as I write it it was. I dunno what was really playing I prefer to remember things my way.

 

There’s something romantic to me about impersonal concrete structures, the kind of rain you only really get in the North and the unpleasant humidity that subsides when you step into her bedroom and slide into her bed. You’ve earned the solace of her arms now. There’s no nobility in it but you can dream. You can even imagine yourself to be the Oscar Wilde of Fetlife.

 

When the vinyl warps and cracks through that ancient system I’m in Gonesville. The dreaminess of Rick singing Lonesome Town, Elvis singing Blue Moon or Barney singing Dream Attack. These are the songs that saved my life.



Kanye West – FML

 

First of all this is one of the biggest pop stars in the world sampling Section 25. That’s something.

 

Second of all, it’s one of the biggest popstars in the world discussing being bipolar. “You ain’t seen nothing crazier than this n***a when he off his LexaPro”.

 

This has nothing to do with Lynch just given my reference to him last episode I wanted to continue my support. Of this multi millionaire. Sickening. Nothing dates like sincerity.



Fad Gadget – Ideal World

 

Oh yeah. The blood spilling out of my TV wasn’t so much of a worry. Worse things happen. I mean I’ve seen the much resented woman of my dreams disappear down a plug hole. The first time she left I knew she must have hated me.

 

You know I just found her. She didn’t even leave a note. Used to be she left a note if she just was going to the shop. So I know at that late stage she despised me. I don’t blame her. I was a waste of skin and teeth. She was in a better place so why did she return just to SPIDERCRAWL leave me again?

 

Me and her second incarnation watched Blue by Derek Jarman and ripple echoes of the old her I felt them. She always loved Jarman. She identified a lot with gay men. She loved queers like me. Her gaze at the ceaseless blue became less spectral. I looked into her eyes and l saw my own reflected in hers. Eyes. It’s always about eyes.

 

Sat in a field before I resigned from that job. I was very handsome. A grinning dog disappeared into a summer haze. A yellow dog with huge, ostentatious teeth. I don’t believe I hallucinated that disappearance into undergrowth. The yellow dog trailing the black dog. I finished my veggie burger and went back to the call centre I worked in that resembled a prison complex. 

 

Back to the afternoon with the Mute book. Some very attractive Irish girls sat with me. I saw myself, handsome but childlike and non threatening, the way I did. Truth be told I envied the bench the blonde one was sat on. Then I went home and pissed Rotten sorry Ronett off.

 

I enjoy the hallways of buildings like that at night. The suicides they sweep under the rug echo back at me. I feel the whisper of the axe and the voices of dead I have loved. I smile at you, vacant. Ingratiating. Watch me jackknife the moon as I smile shaking into your breast. No one is unforgettable. But in a piss stinking basement in June 2018 we overturned the world. 



Mr Bungle – Pink Cigarette

 

I’m going to see this woman in Blackpool and I don’t know why. I’m sat next to a very pretty red haired twink and thinking “I’d rather be hooking up with him”. Looking across the carriage there’s a guy who looks like a low rent low res Francis Bacon Pope, and as he gets off at Poulton le Fylde all those connections are made and I realise why. 

 

I’m nodding off, day drunk on day dreams but he’s here. He’s the man behind the screen pulling the strings. If only he could offer me a shortcut out of my nightmares into someone else’s. Me and Dan the boyband singer met up again. I think he’s in love with me. How embarrassing for at least one of us. Handsome guy but he smells weird.

 

Imagine a version of Back To The Future where Marty McFly went back in time and molested himself as a teenager. Is that just masturbation? How do you punish the crime without blaming the victim?

 

If all Mike Patton’s back catalogue sounded like Pink Cigarette he’d be my favourite person. He does the Double R diner atmos really well. I slow danced with Gersten to this as well. Then a client showed up and my soul died a little more. I’m in negative equity as regards my soul at this point. 

 

So I can’t help but see the parallels: Pulaski discovered a cassette in a fridge behind his flat and I did as well. It’s almost as if someone is watching me. Man, I need to block the windows and cover the mirrors again clearly. Wrap up the knives as well. Nothing reflective can be trusted.

 

“She would do something like this”

 

I’m. Not. A. Misogynist. 

 

“Can you tell what it is yet?”

 

I’m just fashionably late. 

 

“Your letter was only the start of it”

 

5

4.48

0.52

 

It ends when three reduce to one. 

 

Pulaski and Sam walk off in the direction of a warehouse. Sam, prone to hand dance gestures and the chimes the chimes the chimes has no idea what’s in store for her. They walk past a disused Christian book shop. The continent is burning. The witnesses are burning. The world sighs, steeple red and blood dark.Precious Selfish Little yawns and me I’m in this dream place. 

 

Imagine her spider crawl along YOUR ceiling. Would you be happy? Or would you lose your mind as I have? 

 

Lingering in the Tragic Life Stories section of WH Smiths. The newspapers releasing artfully cropped photos of true depravity. They leave the rest to “their” imaginations. The sickest pornography you can buy in a petrol station or pick up for free on a bus. To the pure all things are pure. They are aware of the audience they garner, never forget these sick fucks run the country.

 

I‘m not tranquil. I am tranquilised. This rage will never cease. Let the animals tear themselves to death. 

 

Blood oozing softly with a sub-bass pulsated from the bullet hole in Pulaski’s head after the shooting in the school. The snow fell, covering the nightmare. His head lay in the beloved lap of the man who would one day go looking for him.

 

I’ll let her speak with my voice. I’ll let her see through my eyes. I’ll devote the remains of me to ensuring I prevent as much harm against the innocent as possible. I would give it all up for her. Even if I have to die for it. 

Previous Episodes


Part One

Part Two

Part Three



Written by Rick Clarke/Illustrations by Andrzej Klimowski




As you may know if you’re a regular follower of The Monolith Cocktail, we’ve been serializing a number of new novels and writings from debut authors over the last two years; beginning with Ayfer Simm‘s Istanbul pyschogreograhy A Rumor In Üsküdar in 2019.  Following on Ayfer’s heels we’re now serializing the Lynchian semi-biographical and incomprehensible jukebox set wanderings of Dan Shea (Bordellos, Vukovar and Beauty Stab infamy) and Rick Clarke’s (bandmate of Shea and rallying beacon of the band Vukovar) new novel The Great Immurement: The previous six chapters of which appeared last month in July. We continue with those semi-esoteric imaginings below and bring you next trio of ponographic anarchistic chapters, illustrated by Andrzej Klimowski.


THIN MAN, ILL MAN

Where am I and who are we? If I am me and you are you then why does it feel like there are no borderlines? You…

?

An illness overcame healthy man. He became a thin man, ill man. His head did bald, his skin did tight.

This happened after he found his home, his habitat. A light grey lake in a white-light place with a non distinguishable sky in the land of waste.

The Thin Man, Ill Man’s hair started shedding more and more frequently. He thought of it was little clues being left in his sink, on his floor, on his utensils – everywhere he went – for a non existing investigator, tracking him down for any given or ungiven unknown reason.

There were no other people and never would there be. Just him and his home.

 

Time passed and the Thin Man, Ill Man resented his own space and his own person. He called out for any passerby to come and join him but nobody returned the call and nobody ever would. He wasn’t fussy or particular about his prospective company – this didn’t matter.

So lonely he became that he started to count his protruding rib bones within the number of friends.

So solitary was the no-time and no-place that hours were wasted on separating and individualising his spermatozoas to give himself a family, but found his colonies starved and dehydrated to death by the time the task was complete.

The lonesome grew and growed.

 

Where once it did creepeth and stalk, it instead confrontethed and pounce.

There was nothing on TV, only himself.

There was nothing to eat, only himself.

There was nothing to be, only himself.

 

*He missed an intimacy (that he never experienced.)

There was a split.

*He wanted a partner as comfortable with his flesh as their own.

There was an osmosis, of sorts.

*He wanted a conjoining.

There was a new thing, of sorts. (The same thing, of course.)

 

“I’ve never had somebody to wax the fur from my anus or ease the discomfort in my shoulders.”

“You do the same for me, my love.”

“My favourite is when we sit and relax together and gently – absent-mindedly – play with each

other’s genitals.”

“Mine also.”

 

“Would you like to go out tonight? I feel like doing something.”

“Not tonight. I want to stay in with you. You’re everything I need.”

“I love it when you say things like that.”

 

“I need to piss.”

“Can I hold it? The feel when the tube expands as the piss comes through sends me wild.”

 

“What shall we eat?”

“Does it matter? Does it make a difference?”

“I suppose not.”

“As long as you lean over the counter when you cook… and now and again spread yourself. I’ll just

stare into the backdoor to our soul… imagining my tongue on your hole.”

“And, why don’t I moisten it with my spittle, maybe play with it… the glistening of my ring will make

you touch me, I’m sure…”

“There’s no need to try and persuade you is there? You read my mind.”

“I am your mind.”

“As am I, yours.”

 

And with that, the Thin Man, Ill Man took up an instrument of violent murder and the conversations were no more. The intimacy was no more.

 

He lay on HIS front IN front of his mirror, arms by his side and was giggling as the crimson blood pulsed from his heart onto the floor, spreading out in stems away from him; A mad dash to reach another body before it became nothing but a stain.

 

The mirror, from floor to ceiling in height, captured most of the empty, airless room in its reflection.

Suddenly and startlingly, the Thin Man, Ill Man saw himself standing in the doorway, staring straight at him. How own giggling intensified, never becoming manic. His strength had faded. Every last laugh became a struggle; a desperate kick against the deathly hands of his carcinogenic surroundings.

 

The Thin Man, Ill Man walked casually towards the Thin Man, Ill Man without any hint of emotional reaction, just unfeeling tears running down his face. His naked, pale, glowing figure sat dignified and straight on the edge of nothing beside the resting place of his naked, pale, glowing figure.

One laughed.

One cried.

Both died.

 

I stare into the blood stems. Which myself am I? Which one is the one who is living me now? I stare.



THE SPIRIT EJACULATE




I stare. The lifeblood glistens. My mind’s eye glistens. Blood to sex to blood to sex. Women – every woman’s – conclude or at least live slave to a feminine suspicion – as inherent as the cunt or the evil – that the men who want nothing but to fuck them are really just fulfilling a primordial death drive that would probably end in murder if the act of ejaculation didn’t weaken them so much.

This infection of sexual frenzy rests in guttural moans and the clenching of teeth as man edges ever-nearer to his in-built downfall, cruel and just.

 

It happened several years ago.

It happened in a few weeks/months/days.

 

It happened now.

 

It happened when?

 

It all began with the masturbatory glimpses that all start the same end. It was the time between waking and sleeping. The usual surroundings seemed distant and not altogether welcoming; it felt like an Otherland. He stood naked in the centre of a bare room, semi erect cock being coated in the spit he spat into his right hand.

 

All sorts of sexual images flashed, scattershot in his vision. His Japanese eye leaked its lubricant.

O memories, O The Great Immured.

He thought of a group of woman, humiliating the voluntarily weakest of them all, taunting her in a ceremony of piss. He throbbed and rubbed, dutifully, slowly and sensually.

 

Through his flickering eyelids, his naked mother entered and stood before him, a single trail of excitement ran down the inside of her leg. She bent over, beckoning him to taste. Taste taste taste. His nose pressed against her anus, almost forcing its way inside as he tongued as much of the dry coarse fur as he could, occasionally teasing the sweet stickiness of her inner vulva. He throbbed violently. He rubbed harder.

He half-blindly stepped inside a huge nondescript room filled with naked bodies, warm and slippery with sweat, semen and quim. The more he observed, the more furious he wanked, the fuller his sense.

Nothing was sacred. Women kissing women in dripping exchanges of spit and sperm, shining their faces around the mouth and cheeks. Women chained down men and suffocated them with their drenched cunts, applying their holes to the faces like oxygen masks; A pornographic source of sexualised air.

 

Men sodomised women, them-selves enjoying it so passionately that they lost all pelvic inhibitions and released sprinklets, sometimes jets of natal liquids. Mouths and holes filled with/ejecting cum/quim/all bodily fluids inbetween.

 

He throbbed harder still and wanted harder still until the moment came. Time almost stopped. His penis gathered all of its power and every muscle everywhere coiled like a spring, shaking with unstoppable force, finally let go and shot out a spurt of its own creamy lifeblood into a place unknown. The body paused, gathered power again and shot a smaller (but just as forceful) less potent batch into the same unknown. Once again it gathered strength, this huge shuddering body, only this time, something unexpected happened. Something concerning. Something wrong.

A tearing sensation ran through every part of his body, sinew ripped from bone, nerves ripped from everywhere and layers of skin from layers of skin. Everything was pain. Everywhere was pain; frozen in this stopped-non-passage-of-time. It was as though he was being sucked into a new dimension. He didn’t have chance to scream.

 

The tip of a finger became dented, briefly, before the whole thing caved in on itself, disappearing within itself. His toes followed, then his feet and hands, looking for a new place within his body. The rest of him did the same at the precise moment of the third and final ejaculation. His penis was in a continual push, a push to shoot out his entire body, which it did so; every part of him fired out of that small, thin slit.

He was new. Nothing was real anymore. He was a spirit-ejaculate. He could still see his old body, in fact he was now permanently facing it, but there was little life left in it.

They were connected at that small, thin slit. An eternal fountain exchanging seed, regurgitating forwards and backwards pools of cum, stick in this infinite position of gratification.



THE STAIRCASE

After all that, a silence.

 

The Great Immured recovered himself. Whatever time it was, it didn’t matter. Whatever he now was, it didn’t matter. All things are not even fleeting, but instead, lie broken.

The place he was within had changed. He knew he couldn’t (wouldn’t) find a way out from this immurement, but he had to exist somewhere a little less heavy, at least for a short time, some place to regain some breath.

After several minutes of pacing the same narrow staircase, he realised something was wrong. The staircase itself was odd; it often resembled more of a corridor. There were steps up and down that kept himself more or less at the same level. There were twists and turns. Spirals that got increasingly wider and little amputee-stub-like dead-ends.

The walls were high and there were no windows. Not even lights or candles. Yet no part of the staircase was particularly darkened. It all felt very… claustrophobic.

He could hear noises here and there along the staircase; of course there was the creaking of the old wooden boards but beyond that, long stretches of silence were interspersed with scratching and, even stranger, whispers appeared to come from behind the walls.

What is this trickery? He muttered to himself. The invisible conversations had caused a concern to grow unnervingly large in his mind and a not to grow in his stomach.

He tried turning back a couple of times but to no avail. No part of the staircase was memorable anyway, however, it seemed to change if he tried to retrace his steps.

More absence of time passed. Disturbed by his lack of progress he quickened his pace. He thought about shouting out to ask for assistance to the voices behind the walls, but had to reminds himself he would only be disappointed in the response. The times he felt most panicked – though he thought unreasonably so – was when the stairs descended. He originally intended to down the stairs and find a way to fresh, non-immured air, true, and he knew along this path every direction, every…descension… had been countered with an ascent, but it did nothing to make him feel at ease.

He was getting tired. The heat wasn’t unbearable but he had exerted himself to the point of exhaustion. Out of nowhere he saw the end of the staircase, and this was marked by a huge wooden door. Easily double the height of him, it reached right up to the ceiling.

At last.

He slowed his pace, hung his head in a mixture of weariness and relief and pushed against the door with all of the strength that his fatigue would allow.

Something, again, wasn’t quite right.

Under closer observation he noticed the door had no hinges. There were no gaps between the door itself and its frame and it felt concrete-cold.

The door was painted onto the wall. The likeness was good but in his relief he failed to spot the glaringly – not to mention painfully – obvious shortcomings of this piece of taunting artwork.

 

He sighed. He took a step away from the door, turned his back to the wall to his right, covered his face with his hands and leant backwards.

 

Bright-white, white-light.



Read the previous chapters here

Parts 1 to 3…

Parts 4 to 6…


Selection/Writings/Fiction/Dan Shea





The Monolith Cocktail has coaxed a number of guest spot contributions from the impassioned and adroit musician/writer Dan Shea. Roped into his family’s lo fi cult music business, The Bordellos, from a young age, the candid but humble maverick has gone onto instigate the chthonian Vukovar (currently working through a trio of ‘greatest hits’ packages here) and, with one part of that ever-shambling post-punk troupe, musical foil Buddy Preston, the seedy bedsit synth romantics Beauty Stab (who’ve just this week released their second single ‘French Film Embrace’, here)

An exceptional talent (steady…this is becoming increasingly gushing) both in composing and songwriting, the multi-instrumentalist and singer is also a dab hand at writing. For his debut, Dan shared a grand personal ‘fangirl’ purview of major crush, the late Rowland S. Howard (which can be found here), on the eve of Mute Records appraisal style celebration reissue of his highly influential cult albums ‘Teenage Snuff Film’ and ‘Pop Crimes’. This was followed by an often difficult, unsettling, potted with dark comedy, read on Dan’s friend and foil Simon Morris (of the Ceramic Hobs infamy; the piece can be read here), who took his own life last year.

Now, from his lockdown quarantine, Dan furnishes us with his new series of ‘imaginary film screening jukebox’ selections come loose horror and increasingly unfathomable, intangible fictions.



John Foxx – Blurred Girl

 

Glosso la la la la la lalia

What a beautiful word. What a beautiful world. What a beautiful girl. Birds are blue and sky is singing.

Christmas trees covet British DAYTIME and turn to warn mum but continuing from love, because, I was hunting. Talking (!).. was I furry from the covenant and hating the lithium charityyyyslide. But really I am merely soft and disappointing. I will either become an institution or institutionalised. I cannot sleep i am merely erratic and depressing, it’s fun and then it’s not and then I sleep no more. 

When I sleep for too long it feels like sex magick. I fall from one dream into another and you’re mine all of the time. Maybe my dreams are the most significant part of my life and reality is a distraction? Do you ever feel that way?

Gersten doesn’t have a key but she was suddenly with me in the shower. She shaved me, fully clothed all soaking wet and making sure to “accidentally” cut me in the right places. She put cigarettes out on my nipples as the sun came up. When the moon fell she was gone again. I don’t know where. She doesn’t ask me questions so I try not to be nosey. Nostalgia carved a glow ghost into me.



4

1

5

 

Syd Barrett – Late Night

 

I remember playing this and drinking gin and orange while Ronnie fucked the guy from the arts council. The orange ran out as I was drinking the juice straight so eventually I was just necking gin. I passed out face down in a copy of House of Leaves.

My nan gave my dad that record player when he was a teenager as she thought he was dying. I’m 28 so it’s nearly 40 years old. Maybe he did die. Maybe none of this is real.

I fucking hope so or I’ll have to go to my mum and ask her to have an extremely late term abortion. “But REDACTED it’s been nearly 30 years!”, “This is best for everyone.”

The grey eyeless world sighs blood red and steeple dark. The rune cloud shows your name meandering into mine. I can’t remember my name but names aren’t important. There’s nothing in a name. When someone asks me my name I wonder what they think it means and why they believe I’m being honest with them. 

The party is over and we watch the nightlife crop itself shorter still through a haze of smoke. A mute TV shows static, like pictures in the fire I just about make out the image of a screaming woman being forced down a plug hole by a man who is nothing more than dead air. He stares into the camera.

You’d like to think he was looking at you thinking about getting pregnant with my genius but you realise only you think that way and I only ever did in the most mixed of company. 



Leonard Cohen – First We Take Manhattan

 

Lynch or Badalamenti must have played this before they scored Twin Peaks. The horn motif from I’m Your Man happening in the intro to this, foreshadowing almost, makes me view the album like a movie: as endings go Tower of Song is up there with Vertigo or the undecayed angelangelangel in Fire Walk With Me.

am not tranquil I am merely tranquilised

put his girlfriend’s dress on and honour his memory with my hands over my reflection for the second time in as many hours. Imagining my voice is her bratty whine and her hands are mine and he is watching.

Dark mutterings about a car so big you can lose a kid in it and the text messages we swapped after Michael Jackson died. If Kanye was white would you still be mocking him for having a manic episode or would you adopt the standard lib standpoint of making noises about “removing the stigma around mental health issues” while hoping we die soon?

Guilty fantasies about a specific guy caught on To Catch A Predator and what I’d do to make him think he could be released. Cum and come to senses. Gin + rap battles.

You loved me as a loser now you’re worried that I just might win” – L Cohen

Gersten/Rotten is insistent that I transcribe the contents of the tape I found so I will.

It begins with a voice, perhaps your own, asking for your number so they can phone you. It is followed by Surrender by Suicide; Coney Island Baby by Lou Reed; Blue Jeans by Lana Del Rey; Hospital Hurts the Girl by Lemon Kittens; a recording of gurgling water and a man screaming;

Dead Radio by Rowland S Howard; First We Take Manhattan by Leonard Cohen; Voices Seers Voices by Vukovar; Taking Life In Your Hands by John Cale; Blurred Girl by John Foxx; a man screaming about whores; a dignified old man with his hands folded; a man finding a cassette in a fridge.



Robert Rental – Double Heart

 

Side 2 begins with Double Heart by Robert Rental; a man listing songs on a cassette; Jesse by Scott Walker; a man in a shower weeping and screaming into a plug hole; Rothko’s kitchen sink; Voices Seers Voices by Vukovar; ectoplasm; Subterraneans by David Bowie; more ectoplasm; a girl in a black velvet dress; static; JG Ballard JG Ballard JG BALLARD; a megaphone swan song; Rook from Black Dresses describing you; an eternal loop of Gersten pissing.

Me I’m fine. The Swastika Girls dropped around and silently put beer in my fridge. I have been renamed Thomas Communication.

SHIT taming a hoover feel your gratitude and do my own part by some shouting. I want not know not feela thing same the and same the outside your mum arrives and 2 rings in2 hovering ion.

You were my music box dancer and you tried to be everything to everyone. I think endlessly of you in humiliating situations. I draw sigils on paper and use this to mop up drops of dhaal. 

Double Heart by Robert Rental drips the grey romance of a woozy early morning in Glasgow. It makes me shiver. It’s so fragile, unadorned angelangelixx. The drums are by the guy from DAF I believe. It’s a truly beautiful record. Like if Arthur Russell was Scottish.

In my memory it was playing when me and Ronnie sat down in that bubble tea place at what felt like the latest hour possible but was in fact March 8PM. In reality some terrible Disney sounding Asian pop music was playing. I remember buying a book of all the artwork from Mute Records releases and sitting in the sun getting gradually less and less sensible in some terrible hipster bar’s beer garden reading it. That was a great solitary afternoon. I prefer it when it’s by choice, though.



Tom Waits – Sea of Love

https://youtu.be/k3W-5nwr1aY

 

“Do you think Waits and Lynch working together would be too on the nose? To straightforwardly look at these old American weirdos fan service?”

An old man in a shop mobility scooter is slumped dead to the world behind the wheel. He is careening down a hill holding a can of cider which remains unspilled. 

“Nah. You overthink. The preponderance of midgets and people missing limbs in both their work aside.”



Transcript from Scene from Pulaski: The Disappeared

Sam is sat outside a cafe smoking a cigarette. She is drinking a cup of coffee. She is dressed in terrible early 00s cyber goth clothes including huge sunglasses. Pulaski approaches and sits down opposite her. 

 

Sam

Are you not going to have anything?

 

Pulaski

There’s time for that later. We can have all we want when we get there.

 

Sam

Where?

 

Pulaski

Remember that dream, where you were sat where I am now? Your sunglasses were just as big.

 

Sam

You kept telling me I looked like a goth owl.

 

Pulaski

Andrew Owldritch, yes.

 

Sam

Who?

 

Pulaski

And now you sound like an owl.

 

Sam

Who’s Andrew Owldritch?

 

Pulaski

It’s a play on Andrew Eldritch.

 

Sam

Who’s Andrew Eldritch?

 

Pulaski

Sisters of Mercy.

 

Beat.

 

Pulaski

You’re a shit goth. Let’s go.

 

Sam walks off with Pulaski still holding her cup and saucer. 

 

That’s how I remember it. I don’t think Lynch directed it as everyone had Northern accents and the dialogue definitely isn’t Lynchian. I’d upload a link to it but it’s only sometimes on my hard drive and whenever I upload the video my bathroom ceiling collapses.

Fragments of it keep bleeding through, distorted other dream languages. I’ll keep you updated as I remember it.



Galaxie 500 – Snowstorm

 

Several times I find myself soundtracking my life like its a film. Like the way I deliberately put Technique on when Ronn was arriving; or when I played Celluloid Heroes by The Kinks walking through a downpour knowing it’d make me feel like I was in a Wes Anderson film.

This was accidental and I’m aware I’m stretching the limits of plausible deniability here but I hope up to this point in my rolling news for Monolith Cocktail I have given you no reason to doubt the veracity of anything you have read.

didn’t originally plan to perform the ritual that briefly brought Ronnie back. I’d had a heavy night okay. 

One calm crisp evening I had finished work for the week. I went home, had a shower and as is my custom dressed up nicely to go out and see friends.

wore a blue and black polka dot shirt, some new black jeans, my brown leather Chelsea boots and my battered leather jacket. I put on a bit of eye shadow and back combed my hair a bit so I’d look full Mary Chain. Checking my pockets for my phone, wallet, keys and personal alarm I set out into a calm crisp winter evening. 

The holes in the sky were for once conspicuous by their absence although en route I did nearly get into a fight with a tree. A perfect moment – as Snowstorm by Galaxie 500 played it began to snow. A moment of beauty that compelled me to sit in the park by the bar til it was over.

I drank too much this I know but I’m told I did nothing embarrassing and no one even knew there was an issue. Walking home however was a fucking nightmare. Not just because of the snow and hail getting in my eyes but because as I approached the stretch of road to the HACK DOOR my surroundings began to shift.

The lightings were all a lot brighter now but flicker. The ground now throbbed criss-crossed with network veins that pulsated sickeningly conveying the blood through the infant city. I dragged on, trying to avoid the veins as you would cracks in the pavement. A sudden sense something was watching me as the path home elongated. Every step the word Ritual. Step. Ritual. Step. Ritual.

I looked to his left to see the source of the voice. The voice I think with sounds like my own so I knew it wasn’t me. Nothing. Buildings unchanged. To the right there was a thing dragging itself along. A bloated foetal figure gurgling and puking, an umbilicus ever extending with my every step. The malformed lips mouth ritual but the sound arrives fully formed in my head.

This continued for hours and somehow along the way I found myself naked and bloodied. Ritual. Step. Ritual. Step. Finally my head voice spoke yes and I found myself again fully dressed and deposited on the back step. I looked up at the HACK DOOR and saw it form in smoke. Ritual. Your bind rune meanders into mine forming ours. Tattooed on the tin foil mirror of my synapse the first time she came home from death.

I realise I drew this sigil the night we met. That’s the night I first knew I was your pet. I want to tell you how much I love you but I’m drowning in a sea of love where everyone would love to drown. 



Ramones – Pet Sematery

 

Farrow sits in his office staring blankly at a block red painting with a black life rune drawn on it. Smoke spools outside the window. A cup of coffee on his desk, a cigarette in his hand. An assistant walks in and, trying not to make eye contact with him, hangs a black painting with a red death rune on next to it. He then scurries out. Farrow stands. 

Farrow

How blind I have been!

He then sits down again and resumes staring.

The display turns to static. Maybe your own refleReflected in the TV is a worried looking man sat next to a catatonic woman. The head resting on his shoulder: is it for comfort or to keep her upright?

 

Dan Shea


Previous Episodes:

#1

#2

Preview: Ayfer Simms




An integral part of the Monolith Cocktail team for the last six or more years, cosmopolitan writer Ayfer Simms has contributed countless music/film reviews (Ouzo Bazooka, Pale Honey, Gaye Su Akyol, Murder On The Orient Express, The Hateful Eight) and interviews (Sea + Air, The Magic Lantern) – and even appeared in the video of one of our featured artists (Blue Rose Code).

Taking time away from the blog to focus on her debut novel, Ayfer has spent the last 18 months busily working away at a story that encompasses not only the personal (including the death of her father) but the wider psychogeography and geopolitics of her native home of Istanbul.

Born in the outlier pastoral regions of Paris to Turkish parents, Ayfer spent her formative years in France dreaming about following in the travelling footsteps of her great literature love, Agatha Christie. After studying for a degree in literature (writing music reviews on the side), Ayfer moved to Ireland for six years before travelling aboard the famous Trans Siberian railway and settling in Japan. Initially visiting her sister, Ayfer not only stayed indefinitely but got married and had a daughter. Deciding to attempt a life in Turkey, where the family is originally from, they moved into Ayfer’s great-grandmother’s house in the Üsküdar district, on the Asian banks of the sprawling Istanbul metropolis.

 

A Rumor In Üsküdar is in some ways autobiographical, the first chapter, which we are excited to be previewing today, inspired by the death of Ayfer’s father a few years back. A familiar setting is given a slightly dystopian mystique and ominous threat by Ayfer who reimagines the Üsküdar neighbourhood of that title being isolated and quarantined by the government, as they test out a piece of (propaganda orchestrated) news on the population.

That’s just the umbrella story though, within that setting we have the main character confronted by the country where she originated from imprisoned but ready to face it all and hoping for a wind of change.

Translated into English from the original French and Turkish language versions, an extract from chapter one, ‘When Going Üsküdar’, awaits.


CHAPTER 1 

When going to Üsküdar


It is two years after the death of my father that the very first dream of mourning appeared, leaving me startled. Reality caught up with the other world. Or rather I did. For these last two years, my dad could clearly not get up, but he was alive, in a good mood, in fine health in his bed. We laughed together. My unconscious did not wish to alarm me and even spared me for all this time.

At the beginning of the week, everything changed.

In that dream, my father’s name was Depardieu and I saw myself crying for him without knowing why. In the morning, I wondered about this fusion of characters. Were the protuberant bellies of the two men the common denominator perhaps? Dreams never rely on one single clue however. They conjure deeper meanings. And then I got it: so simple. The French actor’s name, of course, indicated to me the sad reality of his absence for “de par Dieu” means “ by God”.

Now, dreams, thus my subconscious, are warning me: “He’s dead. You see, he’s dead”. “Why do you think it is a good time to stop sparing me?” I say out loud. When I wake up, I am not happy and feel outraged. 

“I will rebel! I say. He died once; I do not want to be deprived of these short, nocturnal encounters.

Dreams are my meager, but cherished consolation. Reality is aiming far this time, all the way to the sunken heart of intimacy. This phenomenon leaves me aghast. The same evening, I put on my warrior armor. Nobody should touch my father in the pith of my kingdom. I decide to enter this universe consciously, to resurrect my dead.

The night splits in two. In my first dream, he appears in a bad mood. He does not even glimpse at me. He blames my mother of being naive. My mother nods without emotion. SHE knows and she agrees. He says with his eyes “What are you trying to do?”

When I wake up at 3 o’clock in the morning, I realize my semi-success. Semi, because despite appearing alive, he is anxious whilst warnings us. His attraction for the cold land is obvious. Where else would a dead man want to belong? I consider the encounter a failed one.

Before going back to sleep, I repeat several times: “No, not like that, that’s not how I want to see him”.  On I go back with my battle attire, perfectly prepared. Indeed as soon as heavy sand sacks falls on my eyes, I manage to see him smiling. He is lying in a large comfortable bed. In the background, I see a television set. He is relaxed. He says to me, “Yes it’s alright, but I do not know what to do with my days, bedridden that I am”.

There, I realize the measure of the problem. It is all very well to make him come back but isn’t he bored there in the cluster of my mind? After this conversation, I find myself eating sweet cakes with my mother in our old village apartment. The light is dim in the narrow kitchen but the room is filled with warmth.

When I wake up again, I feel like this is a small victory. I see that upon summoning I can meet him again, to fill the void of his absolute silence.

Yet what am I really to do? Listen to the messages of my subconscious and make peace or prepare for battle and mutiny every day?

I know the truth without wanting to admit it. My inner self will win because it is always a step ahead of me in its frantic rationality. For 2 years, the subtle message has been the same: My father will never rise again.

Drunk, he used to sing:

When going to Uskudar, there is rain

The coat of my clerk is long; his basques are covered with mud

The clerk belongs to me and I belong to him, why would anyone care?

The boats passing from Uskudar to Istanbul

My clerk sits, he peels hazelnuts

In his dream, the clerk speaks to me aloud

The clerk belongs to me and I belong to him, why would anyone care?

 

Now, here I am in Üsküdar, in the house where he was born and where he died. I was not in a hurry to leave the country but the recent events have forced me to stay.


Words: Ayfer Simms

Illustration: Volkan Albayrak